pocket lint.

crashed hard after monday's injection that left me hyper and high as a kite.  .....don't feel worth two spits.  groggy, eyes puffy......achy, more alert than i have been......mostly i've been dead to the world since Tuesday evening. 

why are my eyes puffy?  clueless......haven't been crying or eating anything odd.  everything aches.  thinking of scrambling some eggs and adding a side of toast. 

.....my little girl is all messed up, has an abcessed tooth.  i've been praying for her........she sent me a picture the other day, poor little angel face........swollen......can't stand for my babies to be in pain.  it hurts me to have them hurt. 

gonna send her a message in a minute......i didn't want to make her have to talk so i called her mate instead.  she has really suffered with this......they ended up at urgent care in the middle of the night after she spent hours throwing up......the antibiotic she started on was way too strong for her body........so urgent care gave her an anti nausea shot and an antibiotic injection.  it allowed her to settle down on the nausea issue and be able to try and get some actual rest.  but the abcess, the pain, the loss of sleep.......the nausea left her in a real mess.  swollen and misshapen face......her pretty eyes so puffy from crying.  i wanted to cradle her just like when she was little......

she tends to turtle up when she feels bad.....which is not unlike her momma.  she seeks silence......solitude.  i am like that a good bit of the time.  the last two days i wouldn't have really known if anyone were here or not......i was so out of it.  felt like hard time mono around here.  i did manage to secure an appt for my bridge issue.....and they will be cleaning the teeth on the same day.  Wed. Feb. 8th.  at noon.  ........that place is a mess.  i let a lot out with courtney about all the various issues experienced while there......worried that i shouldn't have "let it out" until the bridge is properly installed.  but it came tumbling out........i don't know if this will be to the good or what will happen, prayer is needed for my daughter, for me, for you , for our mutual friends here......

i don't know if this is normal crashing mess or if i have a bug.......or both.  my living room is overly full of that album project which i am now regretting......that fake energy makes me think anything is possible........and now the boxes and crates are all over the place.....my living room looks a mess.  no it's not terrible just too much stuff everywhere and it also spills into the kitchen. 

let it go ruthie......just let it go.  if you can manage a shower later you'll be doing something amazing in care of you. the other stuff matters not.  can i just state for the record that i hate pain?  fibro pain, pain from chronic fatigue, pain from sjogren's and arthritis......and well pain from it all!  i couldn't think of the word arthritis so i sat here with my eyelids down for a long time......doing a word search in this overly tired malfunctioning brain.  .......all i really want is a hug and a bit of a visit with you....to feel like i am still here, not disappeared like the remains of a bit of pocket lint. 

we matter......we're just having a bad day.  we exist even when we can't make an impact......we're special and good and sick and trying even when it's hard.......and today is a hard day.  i love you.......hold on .....go easy on dear you and know that i care even when i am upside down and less then my best.  i still can care and love and hope and want better for us all..........