Plenty of people, No one to talk to

I am pretty sure I struggle with depression.  The struggle is daily and almost constant unless I am doing something that keeps me busy and even then a thought, a memory, a song will threaten my balancing act.   I find talking about my issue just makes the next few days harder.  So I don't want to do that here.  I keep trying to move on.  I am but not really.  My life is pretty good.  I like my job, I like the things that I do, but there really is no happiness in my laughter, no joy in my smile.  

I can tell you this much, it involves a breakup that took place 5 years ago, but it could have been yesterday.  I have always enjoyed having a someone special in my life, I still hope to yet, but my heart just won't let go.  If I find someone I think I am only going to end up hurting them, yet being alone leaves me to my  own thoughts and lost dreams.  I even wonder if I could just resign myself that I will always love this woman and there is nothing I can do about it, but I just don't know how to do that and not be overwhelm knowing she will never be in my life again.

Life is difficult.  I guess many people who are depressed question if life is worth living, and going through the struggle everyday.  I do ask myself that question.  I can't really come up with an answer to that.  Instead I think of how an ant even runs around to save its own life when the finger of dath is trying to put an end to it.  How does it know to run?  But i see myself as that ant and I continue to live for some reason I am not sure of.  I really don't want to be cheered up.  I just hope that I can some day love again, love someone else.  I want to feel that I am me once again and not the shell of a person who exists in this body now.

I figure there are others here who can relate to how I feel.  Maybe people who just understand how hard everyday is.  They say time heals.  I think time only extends the continuation of pain.  It is just something to deal with and to get through.