Please Read!

I don't get it. People ask to be my friend and I accept, but after that they dissapear and I never get a chance to chat with them. They sit on my friends list, but we have never talked. Why do people ask to be your friend when they have no intentions of talking to you?
I'am trying to reach out. I want someone to talk to, but I can't seem to find anyone. I just don't understand.
Then there is the subject of Christianity versus Spirituality. I'm not sure which one I'am. I was raised Mormon, but something terrible happened to me from several member's and I literally cannot make myself even touch a Bible. I feel irritated and angry when someone starts to tell me to pray, or God and Christ will save you.
When I look at those that are religious and I'am not, I see not difference in there problems and mine. Between their prayer's and my lack there of, we both seem to still have just as much bad as good.. Is it the peace that these people feel from prayer that makes it worth living a life of Christianity.
I feel the need to continually challenge God. Maybe I blame him for my past. I begged and prayed for help, but it didn't come.
I hope there is a day that I can find peace with this because it continues to bother me. I feel I need proof. It is probably a very selfish thing to want or expect.
There was a time that I felt close to God. It lasted about a year. Up until I had my first severe manic episode. My world has been upside down for a long time.
Anyway I hope some people read this. I could really use some insight.