Please Help
Hi, I have a friend who is having last minute fears about going to the retreat. This would be her first retreat. Do you have ideas about how I might help her feel less anxious? I'd really appreciate your input. I did find my first retreat difficult but I am glad I went. There are always things that happen and when you're as insecure as I am its inevitable some things will happen that you'll have to struggle through.
I do not mention my struggles to ask for anyone's pity or to invite or allow anyone to disrespect me either. I've come a long way in my life. In spite of my struggles I'm still getting up one more time than I get knocked down each day. I mentioned my struggles for one reason. I want people who struggle as I do to know they are not alone. I would also like for people to understand that we come from many different backgrounds and to help one another. I'm sorry we won't be at the retreat this year. Sometimes things don't work out. I have read posts in the past and I don't think the fears my friend is dealing with are unusual. I'd really like to believe that together you can think of ways to help each other make the retreat a good experience for everyone. Elissa
I do not mention my struggles to ask for anyone's pity or to invite or allow anyone to disrespect me either. I've come a long way in my life. In spite of my struggles I'm still getting up one more time than I get knocked down each day. I mentioned my struggles for one reason. I want people who struggle as I do to know they are not alone. I would also like for people to understand that we come from many different backgrounds and to help one another. I'm sorry we won't be at the retreat this year. Sometimes things don't work out. I have read posts in the past and I don't think the fears my friend is dealing with are unusual. I'd really like to believe that together you can think of ways to help each other make the retreat a good experience for everyone. Elissa
Replies
HI Elissa,
I was terrified at the first retreat I went to. I wondered if I would fit in. I was afraid that I would make a fool of myself, that I would not fit in with the other moms. I am extremely shy when I meet a lot of people at once. What did I find? Friends. Friends who accepted me as I am. Friends who had similar issues. Friends that I am looking forward to seeing again! The moms I met came from a variety of backgrounds. They even forgave me for forgetting names!
So please encourage her to come. If she is willing, I would love to attend with her. After all, we are sisters of the heart.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
What I did that really helped me was to go without expectations and with an open mind and heart. I figured that most of these women knew more about me and my day to day life than my own family and friends who lived nearby did and hoped that the connection that I had been feeling with them through their words would be strengthened by getting to meet them.
The butterflies were gone within minutes and for the rest of the weekend I could just BE and didn\'t have to feel like the only mom in the room who had lost a child. I was surrounded by others who were just like me and any differences melted away and what I felt were all the heart threads that were tethering us to one another.
Those fears are so normal and actually what each mom gains from the retreat is as unique as she is. I have attended three retreats and each time I was filled in the way that I needed to be and it carried me for a very long time.
I appreciate your journal, Elissa, because I\'m sure others are feeling this way and your caring about your friend is what FMO is all about... Knowing that others will be adding to this discussion and that it will be helpful not just for your friend, yet for many.
Gentle care,
Joanie
It is truly all about the connection of BEING sisters-of-the-heart. Let your friend know that I will be there, tell her about our connection last year at dinner, and tell her to find me!
Love to you, CARA, and Richard.
I was so afraid,, I cried in the airport,,,, on the plane.... oh my what was I doing... why.... but I went carrying Morgan\'s little stuffed panda bear.... I also don\'t fit in... but now having the best sisters ever makes the retreat the best vaca ever..we are all afraid.....love ya!!
I was nervous too the first time...which was our very first retreat. I had a great helper though, I was blessed to be traveling with our founder, Barbara. Still, it was scary, the unknown, and I still couldn\'t get my head around the fact that I was even part of such a group.
I remember crying in our room saying over and over, \"I don\'t belong here\". But the love and the hugs and the heart to heart conversations that took place that weekend melded us all even closer. Didn\'t take long for me to feel I was exactly where I needed to be!
This will be my 8th retreat! I\'ve never missed one and hope I never do!
Truly, these retreats are the most healing of times for me, and the trips I look forward to most each year!
I also know a LOT is learned each year as far as ways to improve the experience for everyone. A lot of ideas were shared after our last retreat and are being incorporated this year. It\'s always the goal of the retreat committee to make this as pleasant an experience as possible. We always learn, always improve; at least we strive to.
You and Richard will be missed!
I think I recall your journal from last year and how you had a good talk with yourself! Tell your friend to have that same talk with herself! I remember just needing to go to my first retreat! We are all there because we\'ve lost part of ourselves. These women don\'t walk away when they see me coming, in some instances they\'ve RUN toward me. Oh what a wonderful feeling. There should never be any judgement here, only love and support. If anyone has ever made you feel that way I\'m sorry. You are brave in my eyes. I will miss seeing you and your dear husband this year. Take care.
I was so nervous at my first retreat. I brought another mom with me from AZ and I can remember standing outside the hotel in San Diego petting a stray cat telling her we could just enjoy the weekend in San Diego, we didn\'t have to go into the retreat and meet those women. I was afraid for some unknown reason. As soon as you get that first hug it all melts away. ( I still have the cat.)
We have all been where your friend is - so very nervous going to our 1st retreat...we are there for her and will welcome her with open arms. Tell her to come no matter how nervous she is...Hugs, ann
I remember my fear, my first was San Diego and FMO was still small. I couldn\'t believe I was going, hesitant to meet the women I only knew from their words. Yet once I entered that hotel room, the LOVE surrounded me, through the tears and the hugs, I found the group my shattered heart had been longing for. Others that knew and understood my heart, what I could do and what I couldn\'t do. I\'ve attended 4 out of 8, I usually attend every other year because I find for me, I sink into somewhat of a depression after, it\'s all very emotional. Each one has been special for different reasons, yet San Diego will always be the best in my opinion. I also decided early on to honor Matthew in my own way by doing things he would have enjoyed on my own outside of the group. In San Diego we attended the hydroplane races. Matthew would have loved the speed and thrill of them. I also went to sea world to remember the times I took him there when he was growing up. It\'s difficult and nerve racking to go, yet we do welcome each other with open arms and open hearts. I\'ll miss you this year. You were one of my special moms I was so excited to finally meet last year. When I hugged you, I also hugged CARA! Love you both!
I was nervous at my first retreat too. I guess I didn\'t know what to expect and let\'s face it; we are all in a club that no one wants to join. But as others have said the love from the other moms just envelopes you. And if your friend is anxious its ok. there is no judgment. Many of us felt the same way. Hugs, Linda
I was very apprehensive before my first retreat (last year) but as soon as I arrived, it left me. It was truly an extraordinary experience. I would be there this year if I were able to fly. I have physical problems when I fly so any retreat that is within driving distance, I will attend...
I could be that friend, I guess - I am very quiet around strangers and have not been to a retreat. Silly really, with FMO, since we all have such a big thing in common. Sorry you won\'t be making it since you have already taken the plunge! I think it\'s good you express you feelings about it all - I am sure you speak for many. Take care of yourself ~ Joanna x