Please help...
I decided to send the ExN a short non feeling email in regards to his stalking of me. The only communication from my part at all in the last almost 4 months now was this email I sent yesterday:
Addressed to his first name,
As far as I'm concerned there is nothing left for us to talk about. You've made your decision and I have respected that. I told you in my last letter that if you didn't call me In a few days time not to bother because I wasn't going to wait around on you. For me there is no way any friendship with you is possible. I'm sorry but under the circumstances it's just not something I can/will do. As for anything else i believe we've discussed all we can and I explained as much as possible in letters/emails to you. You may need to read over those again to understand things a little better. I haven't heard one way or the other but I hope you were able to get Ernies things returned to him. He handed that store to his nephew, Frankie and he's suppose to be full time in Springfield. Very much appreciate if it was take care of. As for anything else there of mine just throw it out, I know Jon-Maree took some pictures (the big ones that hung in the living room of Devin and Brennan) if you can give those to Tasha for her to hold onto I would also appreciate it. Takes care of yourself and the kids.
Signed my first name.
That was it. He's been on a texting, calling and doing those msgs by Facebook thing almost everyday for over a week. I just kept ignoring but he reached 29 calls in one day and like 10 texts as well. I figured to email him and not answer the calls or texts. This was his letter back. Some of you know my past from my journals and if you have a question please ask. I'm trying to find out if I should reply or just send another email being blunt. I will say the incident where he's trying to tell me I cheated was over a friend of his that kissed me while we were both drunk on three seperate occasions. I didn't lie about it once i was confronted about it and I did apologize by email and by phone to him. 4 months ago. I'm looking for input on what others think and would GREATLY appreciate it. As I'm feeling torn between having to defend myself for some reason to just letting it go. I still don't have computer so I may not be able to respond quickly but appreciate any input. Here's his letter and then I will end this. So thanks for taking the time.
Im writing this as im getting ready for school. I know you like to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in our relastionship and i quitely let you think that. I did not run off and tell all my friends I came to you directly about them. The big one is you had no to drive in your life to better yourself (you say you don't know what you want to do but you are not getting any younger) if you don't like what you went to school for at least you are making alot more money than you were doing something you hated for less. I tried the entire time we were together to get you to do something with you life for our family. I watched the kids (yes im a single dad during the week... YOU NEED THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAD TO DO BY MYSELF) that way you could get a degree and then it could be my time. Its the main reason I think I drank and played EQ so much is because I hated the idea of being stuck in a factory, and taking care of the kids by myself while time wasted away. When i was tired of trying to get you to better yourself I asked you to come to first shift to help take care of the kids becase i was really stressed out and I could go to school and guess what you again told me no so not only did you stop yourself in advancing in life but blocked me as well......You need to think about that for a min!!!!!!!Now lookingback I think this was about 90% of our problem well mine anyway isI wanted more from ourfamily than you did.The best years of our relastionship was about the first 2 then i started wanting you to get movatited to do somelthing in life.I wanted an education to make more money and to show kids they need and education as well.Another thing I think that also had a damaging effect in our relastionship is the fact you seperated the kids and our money. You never backed me up in wanting to take kim to court. You said I should but never like hey lets do this we have the money NEVER. Also with the house you never wanted to use any of your money you always let me spend mine there was no 50 50 with you. Also again coming back to the lack of commmunation is that you just moved out of the house not telling me you wanted to work things out(just like you did when you gave chris all that money to go see a girl in another counrtry) which made me have to take out a credit card which im still having to pay on to have a xmas for our kids... you made decisions without asking big ones. You should have never moved out if you wanted this to work and i kept telling you that YOU CAN NOT... I REPEAT CAN NOT WORK ON A RELASTIONSHIP FROM A LONG DISTANCE STAND POINT you can not work on things when u see each other 2 days a month it does not happen but again like i said you did that without asking me what I thought about it u just did it and ran......and the straw that broke the camels back you cheated on me with Chris. You tried to lie to me about it and you blamed him for everything. That was the one thing i never though you would ever do OMG I don't think you understand how much that hurt(and you never really apoligized for it ;(..... I take some blame for it as i know there was times when I did not give you alot of attention, but can you blame me from everything i have put on here about how I hated how or relationship , our life was going.. i was depressed about more than you can know. And as far as my not relaying my feelings and opening up to you ... well ... you made it hard too. Everytime I had a problem you ran it into a circle when i had a problem with you and we got no where with it. Paritaly my fault as well but I want you to understand where im coming from. I still love you. I still think about you everyday. No matter where our reatlionship goes from here.... is up too you really. I'm putting myself out there (OMG IS HE REALLY) I just want some closure.Is this really how you want all those years knowing each other being friends , lovers to end. In mixed feelings and not communatcaion.
love you,
His name
P.S. I really would like to see the kids.....
Addressed to his first name,
As far as I'm concerned there is nothing left for us to talk about. You've made your decision and I have respected that. I told you in my last letter that if you didn't call me In a few days time not to bother because I wasn't going to wait around on you. For me there is no way any friendship with you is possible. I'm sorry but under the circumstances it's just not something I can/will do. As for anything else i believe we've discussed all we can and I explained as much as possible in letters/emails to you. You may need to read over those again to understand things a little better. I haven't heard one way or the other but I hope you were able to get Ernies things returned to him. He handed that store to his nephew, Frankie and he's suppose to be full time in Springfield. Very much appreciate if it was take care of. As for anything else there of mine just throw it out, I know Jon-Maree took some pictures (the big ones that hung in the living room of Devin and Brennan) if you can give those to Tasha for her to hold onto I would also appreciate it. Takes care of yourself and the kids.
Signed my first name.
That was it. He's been on a texting, calling and doing those msgs by Facebook thing almost everyday for over a week. I just kept ignoring but he reached 29 calls in one day and like 10 texts as well. I figured to email him and not answer the calls or texts. This was his letter back. Some of you know my past from my journals and if you have a question please ask. I'm trying to find out if I should reply or just send another email being blunt. I will say the incident where he's trying to tell me I cheated was over a friend of his that kissed me while we were both drunk on three seperate occasions. I didn't lie about it once i was confronted about it and I did apologize by email and by phone to him. 4 months ago. I'm looking for input on what others think and would GREATLY appreciate it. As I'm feeling torn between having to defend myself for some reason to just letting it go. I still don't have computer so I may not be able to respond quickly but appreciate any input. Here's his letter and then I will end this. So thanks for taking the time.
Im writing this as im getting ready for school. I know you like to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in our relastionship and i quitely let you think that. I did not run off and tell all my friends I came to you directly about them. The big one is you had no to drive in your life to better yourself (you say you don't know what you want to do but you are not getting any younger) if you don't like what you went to school for at least you are making alot more money than you were doing something you hated for less. I tried the entire time we were together to get you to do something with you life for our family. I watched the kids (yes im a single dad during the week... YOU NEED THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAD TO DO BY MYSELF) that way you could get a degree and then it could be my time. Its the main reason I think I drank and played EQ so much is because I hated the idea of being stuck in a factory, and taking care of the kids by myself while time wasted away. When i was tired of trying to get you to better yourself I asked you to come to first shift to help take care of the kids becase i was really stressed out and I could go to school and guess what you again told me no so not only did you stop yourself in advancing in life but blocked me as well......You need to think about that for a min!!!!!!!Now lookingback I think this was about 90% of our problem well mine anyway isI wanted more from ourfamily than you did.The best years of our relastionship was about the first 2 then i started wanting you to get movatited to do somelthing in life.I wanted an education to make more money and to show kids they need and education as well.Another thing I think that also had a damaging effect in our relastionship is the fact you seperated the kids and our money. You never backed me up in wanting to take kim to court. You said I should but never like hey lets do this we have the money NEVER. Also with the house you never wanted to use any of your money you always let me spend mine there was no 50 50 with you. Also again coming back to the lack of commmunation is that you just moved out of the house not telling me you wanted to work things out(just like you did when you gave chris all that money to go see a girl in another counrtry) which made me have to take out a credit card which im still having to pay on to have a xmas for our kids... you made decisions without asking big ones. You should have never moved out if you wanted this to work and i kept telling you that YOU CAN NOT... I REPEAT CAN NOT WORK ON A RELASTIONSHIP FROM A LONG DISTANCE STAND POINT you can not work on things when u see each other 2 days a month it does not happen but again like i said you did that without asking me what I thought about it u just did it and ran......and the straw that broke the camels back you cheated on me with Chris. You tried to lie to me about it and you blamed him for everything. That was the one thing i never though you would ever do OMG I don't think you understand how much that hurt(and you never really apoligized for it ;(..... I take some blame for it as i know there was times when I did not give you alot of attention, but can you blame me from everything i have put on here about how I hated how or relationship , our life was going.. i was depressed about more than you can know. And as far as my not relaying my feelings and opening up to you ... well ... you made it hard too. Everytime I had a problem you ran it into a circle when i had a problem with you and we got no where with it. Paritaly my fault as well but I want you to understand where im coming from. I still love you. I still think about you everyday. No matter where our reatlionship goes from here.... is up too you really. I'm putting myself out there (OMG IS HE REALLY) I just want some closure.Is this really how you want all those years knowing each other being friends , lovers to end. In mixed feelings and not communatcaion.
love you,
His name
P.S. I really would like to see the kids.....
Replies
This whole deal is driving me insane today. A few people say email him back and a few people say don\'t bother he won\'t listen. It\'s more of a pissing match than anything. Grrrr
I say No Contact. And stick to it, or you will never be out of this
Don\'t bother, he won\'t listen.
How many times have you explained yourself, defended yourself to him? And then he sends this, where everything that is wrong with his life is your fault. Everything. Even to the point of he didn\'t get money out of his ex because you didn\'t make him do it. WTF? Why was THAT your responsibility? He admits that you said he should take her to court, but says you never backed him up because you didn\'t tell him precisely WHEN to do it. And it\'s your fault he drank and played on line games - because you weren\'t bettering yourself the way he wanted you to. WTF?? Whose life is it anyway? How DARE he throw all those ridiculous guilt trips on you.
He is clearly very angry that you walked away. He wants you back so that he can be the one to walk away. He makes that pretty clear with his comments about you leaving with no discussion and how you can\'t work on a relationship from a distance, etc.
There is NO point talking or discussing or defending with a person who is willing to blame you for their every action or inaction.
Like beansprout said - No Contact.
Yes--I agree with both of the above. There is no reasoning with him, and no explaining to him.
Thanks for the input guys. I still haven\'t contacted him or responded to this. My ex step mom is a lawyer so I\'m thinking of asking her legal advice. I don\'t see him changing anytime soon and I know as well that he won\'t ever own up to his end. This is the type of stuff I listened to for years. Gets old but still hurts. Good thing my friend is in town, she\'s keeping my mind busy. :). Thanks again for the advice!!