Pissy

I'm profoundly fucking angry today. I should have seen this coming. I've been compassionate enough to let the ex temporarily stay here while the kids have been ill and he's waiting for unemployment, which is a disaster waiting to happen. All of his friends are losers without cars and expect him to help them out, so he asks me to loan him my car as his needs $900 to get his back on the road. I know I'm retarded to extend any sympathy, but giving in to him has been better than battling constantly. I expected him back before 10 last night, he didn't show or answer his phone. I'm like, "Great. If I were in an emergency and without a car I couldn't even contact him. " I fell asleep, and had the first sex dream I've had in months starring, of course, him!!!! It was this emotionally intense, beautiful little movie, and then I wake up and see it's 1 am and he's not back.
It occurs to me that he may be with another woman in that moment. He guards his cell like it's top secret, and texts constantly in front of me. Just now we are texting and he said you can't choose who you want to be with... I said YES! You can choose to honor your marriage and your wife and not cheat with some whore. He texts back, "So because someone cares about me like you didn't that means they are a whore? Kinda immature..." He basically just confirmed that he is with another woman while he's been staying here, eating my food, and flinging insults at me, then acting like we're good buddies and watching movies with me. I want to cry, scream, break shit all over again. I guess it's another lesson learned. I told him if she cared she'd let him stay with her, and eat her food, and pay for his prescription, and use her car. I'm livid that because she fucks him she "loves" him. This crap always goes down when I have a big test to study for. It blows. I can only blame myself. It's somehow easier to take that he's here and not with another than to be trapped as a 24 hour babysitter while he screws around.