Pissy

I'm profoundly fucking angry today. I should have seen this coming. I've been compassionate enough to let the ex temporarily stay here while the kids have been ill and he's waiting for unemployment, which is a disaster waiting to happen. All of his friends are losers without cars and expect him to help them out, so he asks me to loan him my car as his needs $900 to get his back on the road. I know I'm retarded to extend any sympathy, but giving in to him has been better than battling constantly. I expected him back before 10 last night, he didn't show or answer his phone. I'm like, "Great. If I were in an emergency and without a car I couldn't even contact him. " I fell asleep, and had the first sex dream I've had in months starring, of course, him!!!! It was this emotionally intense, beautiful little movie, and then I wake up and see it's 1 am and he's not back.
It occurs to me that he may be with another woman in that moment. He guards his cell like it's top secret, and texts constantly in front of me. Just now we are texting and he said you can't choose who you want to be with... I said YES! You can choose to honor your marriage and your wife and not cheat with some whore. He texts back, "So because someone cares about me like you didn't that means they are a whore? Kinda immature..." He basically just confirmed that he is with another woman while he's been staying here, eating my food, and flinging insults at me, then acting like we're good buddies and watching movies with me. I want to cry, scream, break shit all over again. I guess it's another lesson learned. I told him if she cared she'd let him stay with her, and eat her food, and pay for his prescription, and use her car. I'm livid that because she fucks him she "loves" him. This crap always goes down when I have a big test to study for. It blows. I can only blame myself. It's somehow easier to take that he's here and not with another than to be trapped as a 24 hour babysitter while he screws around.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

i feel for you. i really do. its hard to put your foot down, because you think they will change. how about this? until you see any changes on his part, dont let him string you along? im a big action person. words dont mean a lot to me anymore in relationships. go easy on yourself. you deserve more than this.
PinkArzora
PinkArzora

He had me give his friend a ride home the other night. When I dropped him off, he said it was his \"fall-back\" place.... the other woman he strings along while he messes around with one who\'s an addict, cuts him, and is engaged to a guy over seas. I realized that\'s what I am for my ex, that \"fall back\" in case he needs something... he even suggested we could have sex but it wouldn\'t mean we\'re \"together\". It\'s such a kick in the head. I don\'t want a guy like that, he\'s so one-dimensional and dull, yet put up with it for the company and reprieve of him watching the children.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Pink, honey. He\'s crossed some boundaries that you have no business letting him cross. This man is not the man you married, not the one who loved you and fathered your children. I\'m not saying he can\'t ever be someone worthy of your love and respect, again, but at this moment, you have to step back. He is fully in self-seeking mode and you have to cut the ties. I have been where you are and the bottom line is that you can not afford to allow this man to wreak chaos and destruction in your life any longer. It\'s not even worth it for the reprieve that you get when he watches your kids.

I came to a point where I had to become fully self-sufficient, whatever that meant. Anything that I need to do, I did for myself. Anything that I thought I might need help with, I asked everybody on the planet before I asked Darnell. Only when he could enter into my world without causing me physical, mental or emotional chaos, did I allow him to have any kind of place in my life. You have to carry on with your life as if Davor does not exist. If he wants to spend time with the kids, fine. He can come and get them and walk them to the park. He can come and watch TV with them while you are out running errands/doing homework, etc. Find someone else, a teenager, a relative, ANYBODY else to babysit for you. Do not rely on him for anything else ever again until/if at all possible, he proves that he is physically/mentally/emotionally reliable.

For him to use the manipulative words \"So because someone cares about me like you didn\'t that means they are a whore? Kinda immature...\" shows you that this man is not worthy of your time or energy. He says many things in this statement. He says that he thinks he deserves to be first and foremost before his marriage vows and your kids. He says that he has low self-esteem because he is relying on someone else to make him feel good about himself. He says that he does not appreciate any of the things you have done for him or any of the love you have shown him. He says that he is willing to manipulate you and destroy your emotions and mental state in order to justify his own bad behavior.

This man is out to destroy you. He may not sound like it. He may not look like it. He may not make you feel like it 100% of the time, but in destroying himself and living a careless life, he is setting you up for a dangerous emotional and mental state and you have to protect yourself by letting him go. Let him stand or fall on his own, without the benefit of your help, advice or assistance. You are not responsible for him anymore.

I know it\'s hard, but only when you let him go, when you drop responsibility for him completely, will you be free to move forward - with or without him.

When I let Darnell go, I moved closer to the truth. I am still not at the place of complete clarity, but having let him go, having removed responsibility for his actions or his whereabouts or anything to do with him, I freed myself to be me, to live and breathe and get the hell out of that place of panic and desperation and emotional pain. No more fighting. No more deceit. No more hiding. No more! I let him go. Whatever he wants to do, so be it. Then, the question became, what do I want?

Honestly, when I did that, he had to sit alone with his actions. He had to take responsibility for who he is without using me as a scapegoat or an excuse or a facade. And, guess what? He doesn\'t like the person he was becoming. And he\'s had to make changes, on his own, for his own sake. Whether he ends up married to me is still up in the air, but, girl, I am free! And you can be, too. But you have to let go.

It\'s hard as hell. And there are so many reasons and ways not to let go, but forget every reason, every excuse. It doesn\'t matter where he lives right now. It doesn\'t matter what he says or does. Letting go happens in your heart, in your chest, in your stomach...inside of you and once you do - the rest will fall into place.

I know this is long, but I am thinking of you, baby. I\'m here!