pfffft

It's much easier to function when there are people around you asking you to just join along.  That was much the case this weekend.  And when Sunday night hit with daylight savings cutting the day off earlier than recent history, I felt the anxiety that comes when Sunday ends and you've begun the countdown to work.  In my case, the countdown until when my cousin and my fiance were going back to work and I would be left alone to fend for myself.  I got so anxious despite Ambien and Xanax I couldn't fall asleep for hours.  I read a book instead.  Monday morning, I was back a few steps - just didnt' want to wake up.  Finally did when my cousin got home from work earlier in the afternoon.  I felt guilty about still having been asleep....she drove me to my place to grab my meds - which should have been taken in the morning, but were being taken early afternoon at this point:better late than never.  And today, with the drugs at my cousin's place, I  still couldn't manage to get up when I heard her come into the apartment - home early from work.  I felt like I would be in trouble for still sleeping and  not getting out of bed yet.  I couldn't stand hiding anymore, so go tout and said hi,,,  Today was a long day.  I went to therapy and then a long walk by the beach with a friend to talk about how I've been doing.  A realization hit: that  I have no idea what I think is good enough.  I pretty much rely solely on input from others to judge whether or not I'm doing a good job.  This puts me in a bad situation.  I am completely at the mercy of the opinions of others in all aspects of my life.  I'm supposed to figure out what I think is good; what I think is good enough. This is not going to be easy.