petting Blue brings me calm and back to center
Was feeling so out of sorts as the morning progressed.
Really fractured inside like a 'cubist mind' if one were ever painted.
I was starting to feel desperate to talk to my Doctor...
as I was thinking about big picture things like work
and how would I approach the future choices and self determining....
I became aware that though I was feeling fractured
and weak and helpless...I thought what can I do, what can I seek, in this moment
that would calm me down??...and Blue was sitting on my lap 'purring away'...
and I just started petting him and it brought my mind back to sense and calm.
I know I will be able to go to work tomorrow. I know that I will be able
to get my chores done today. In so far as the choices I make for my life
'potentially in the future' I suppose I will apply a similar personal philosophy of taking it
one step at a time...all in balance and good measure. I think I have found my
community here in the suburbs, here at the market where I work, here on the site...
things will change eventually but when that time comes, I will deal with it
one step at a time - keeping in the present and getting on with it.
Replies
This writing is basically for me to sooth my mind and give myself a whole picture - 'written out' like as a way to put it to memory..This idea of bringing myself back to a workable solution is a contrast to the way my mind is inclined to work - so it's a big learning
curve for me. And being relaxed and flexible though a part of me also tends to abandon me when set to making big choices.
I tend to look for work and activity that is immersive. and yet the reality
of 'nothing of what I imagine turns out being what you expect" so often derails me just even in the immediate conception of it too. And maybe words aren't really necessary here. I need a sense of humor and a chill pill.
To think about the future and my potential choices, from many angles - as in the context of humanity
or commonality, or specificity in interest - has different layers hunh? - so maybe I should
not strive for knowing the future before it happens - and be relaxed about rolling with the punches and become used to that and practiced in time..I may primarily need to weigh the pros and cons of all those types of facets in order to be
content with what I eventually choose. As well as think in terms of my own
fallibility, and how in order to get on with these choices, it simply will take flexibility and be about
taking life one step at a time..and staying present in the moment. Relax and enjoy the ride Mark.
I will write more when I can, but sending hugs in the meantime.
You are doing fine. Writing and working through will translate to talking and talking things through as the balancing continues!! Watch the Flintstones or Jetsons for some lightheartedness today.
Thanks Nikki!
methinks you are catching on, grasshopper.
personally, i have yet to find a greater grounding talisman than my critters. they are, hands down, the best chill pill in the pharmacopeia. working with plants, soil and compost are the second greatest. i list those three together because you can't have one without the other.
Thanks Arfie
Have you ever done one of those guided meditations where the speaker sort of starts at your feet, concentrating up slowly slowly to the top of your head? Or maybe it was start at the top of the head and focus with intent down a guided centering of mind and body? I can’t remember how it went, but that same sort of meditation is helpful kind of centering yourself in a moment, too. When thinking about the future, I find I get most overwhelmed by outside influences and the feeling of intense pressure. Turning it inward toward your own best version of yourself, your authentic genuine self, and your loved ones, community, yes Blue, too tends to make me feel a little bit better about the future when I don’t get so caught up in “plans.” Isn’t there a John Lennon quote - “life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Tis true.
Live in the moment.
I’m going to give you a noogie now and ask:
What is it that you’re afraid of?
Thanks Nikki!