Personal takes
So yesterday, well, sucked. I like to be more descriptive than that in my writing, but that pretty much nails it this time. I had a few hours of clarity--at least enough to get some basic work done. The fog frustrated me to the point of tears last night though. And it's over the stupidest stuff! DH was looking for a CD for his Visual Studio. He was a bit snappy, but apologized quickly when I got petulant. (Great pair, right? ) I could swear I had seen the CD recently. I *remember* seeing it on a surface recently. Of course, recently could be anytime in the last few years with my brain. I ask him what it looked like and I find that my "memory" is completely false. It's not that CD at all that I'm remembering, if I'm remembering anything real at all. I broke down and cried. I'm sure it's b/c I've been pushing way too hard. I mean WAY too hard. I resolved to cut myself a break and decided to go in to the office late on Thursday.
Then I had a glass of wine. Oh, it was nice. I could feel myself relaxing at the notion of having something just because I *want* it, not for a medical reason. But then I got a migraine, which could only have come from the wine (timing). So I've been fighting that migraine since 9 last night. Ugh. I'll be pouring the rest of that wine out so I don't make that mistake again. After much meds and rest, I feel better now. I decided working at home is the only option today. I"m working when I can, resting when I need to, and refusing to worry. My upline boss is fine with that and I intend to have all the big stuff done before Monday so I can show it to my boss as complete. I"m not sure my brain will pull out of the fog enough to do the second project, but I'm going to do my best. I'll make liberal use of my colleagues to make sure I"m not totally missing the point of the information.
Tonight I have a mtg at Duke Medicine about the surgery the doc has recommended (not CFS-related), so I want to have plenty of rest before I go to that. Then I"m going to pick up some sushi to bring home for my dinner.
I cannot wait until next Wednesday when I get to go on vacation for five days. Oh, holy God am I looking forward to that!
Then I had a glass of wine. Oh, it was nice. I could feel myself relaxing at the notion of having something just because I *want* it, not for a medical reason. But then I got a migraine, which could only have come from the wine (timing). So I've been fighting that migraine since 9 last night. Ugh. I'll be pouring the rest of that wine out so I don't make that mistake again. After much meds and rest, I feel better now. I decided working at home is the only option today. I"m working when I can, resting when I need to, and refusing to worry. My upline boss is fine with that and I intend to have all the big stuff done before Monday so I can show it to my boss as complete. I"m not sure my brain will pull out of the fog enough to do the second project, but I'm going to do my best. I'll make liberal use of my colleagues to make sure I"m not totally missing the point of the information.
Tonight I have a mtg at Duke Medicine about the surgery the doc has recommended (not CFS-related), so I want to have plenty of rest before I go to that. Then I"m going to pick up some sushi to bring home for my dinner.
I cannot wait until next Wednesday when I get to go on vacation for five days. Oh, holy God am I looking forward to that!
Replies
Yeah.... some days just suck and that\'s the right word.
Don\'t beat yourself up over the memory loss. I just don\'t even really try anymore, I and tell people, \"No, sorry, that\'s a memory thing and I don\'t do that.\" Not \"can\'t\", \"DON\'T\"; and I don\'t say \"anymore\" either. It is what it is. If it\'s already happened, it happened \"the other day\", or \"pre-now\" (I love that one!).
Hang in there, Jenna.... xx
Jack
Good thoughts. It\'s a tough adjustment for me to accept memory loss. When I was younger I could remember every word and the exact sequence of almost every conversation that I held with someone. I quit trying when I realized it irritated DH immensely. lol I just fear how far it\'ll go. I suppose that\'s a useless thing to worry about. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Right?