People really suck..
The one person i was really getting attached to has decided he doesn't want me in his life.. He spent so muvh time getting me to open up to him.. I did things I wouldn't normally do for people.. Just for him...Things I .didn't even really want to do.. I feel disgusted, angry, depressed.. and well... Just hurt.. I put so much trust in him.. I wish he'd at least grow a pair and say it.. But no, he acts like everyone in my life.. I'm just done with people.. No one cares, no one wants me in their lives, not for very long anyways.. I'm just this temporary girl that people use and throw away like I'm nothing.. Can't blame them though... I wouldn't want to have me in my life either.. Hell, I can't stand myself.. Wish it were that easy to get away from myself.. I had 2-3 panic attacks last night while on Xbox talking to a few friends.. I tried to keep myself as calm as i could.. I wish he'd text me.. Come up with some excuse for why he won't talk to me.. I deleted him from my phone... I almost fell apart when I finally did it.. I just want to know why.. What exactly have i done this time? I'm tired of crying and thinking about him.. Just waiting for my melatonin to kick in so I can sleep.. My ex is trying so hard to be supportive and help me through this depression.. He has his issues.. But, he's not all that bad... My family... Well, they couldn't care less about me and my issues... I tried reaching out for help... This past week i have considered suicide many, many times.. I don't know what to do.. I am barely holding on.. Just wishing i could die, no more dealing with this crap anymore... I'm so tired.... v.v
Replies
Sierrawr6911,
I would first like to say and let you know that you ARE WORTH IT AND YOU ARE A CAPABLE INDIVIDUAL WHO DESERVES LOVE AND CARE. Unfortunately, life throws you many crappy people at you and most of them are the ones you want to please the most. Believe me, I\'ve been there. In my 27 years I\'ve had a solid 4 1/2-5yr TOXIC relationship and 2 relationships in which I just destroyed because I could. Teenage years and teenage love SUCKS. It really just does. It took a long time and a lot of self-reflection and acceptance to find someone right for me. What is important is that you take care of yourself first because you will never be able to be with someone fully until you love and accept yourself. Your talks of suicide make me very sad and very nervous for you. There are a ton of suicide hotlines out there available 24/7. Don\'t ever think you are not worth living for because you are. Don\'t worry about whoever this loser is who\'s ignoring you. He CLEARLY isn\'t worth it. As far as the things you\'ve done for him that make you disgusted...you\'re not the first or the last to regret that. All you can do is accept it and move on because it will eat you up inside if you continue to dwell on it. Please know that I care and am available anytime to talk!