People don't say thanks
I think I'm going to stop doing nice things for people, I've done two really nice things for two different people and they haven't even sent or said a measily thank you. I fixed my brother's car paid 600 for it, it did break down again and he just acts like it's nothing that it got impounded off the freeway like no big deal and no thank you at all my direction. I got my friend Russell a job by crafting him a resume and a LinkedIn and applied him to Sam's club, he got the job and again not even a measley peep of a thank you on messenger
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You already know this but I'll back you up, not everyone who needs your help deserves to get it.
The trick is knowing who to invest your valuable time or money in.
I'll bet you know someone that'll need help sometime but they won't ask for it.
I don't blame you for reevaluating your helpful instincts rn.
I like helping people too, but I affirm the thought that you do it for people who deserve it or perhaps you know the people you are doing it for so that when they don’t say thank you you’re not surprised. Perhaps at those times what I try to think about is being the person I want to be. It might sting but the reward I take is a job well done and keeping at who I am which ultimately makes me happy. Peace!!
Reminds me of the Golden Rule, and Karma, what goes around comes around. You Are a Kind Person, so doing kind things would seem second nature to you. I used to give give give until I finally realized that I was trying, wanting a return. Then I stopped giving, in all forms, advice, money, actions until I was 'asked'....why? Because a friend of mine said she felt "less than" when I jumped in to 'fix' a situation without asking. Hugs <3
it is good to re-evaluate our own "stuff" and the people we expect appreciation from. Well, yes, some people do not say thank you. These are the types of people you might consider NOT helping. The whole thing with Russell was not helping him, it was taking over and doing it for him. He has no get up and go or gumption so you did it. And he didn't thank you. So stop helping people who are not appreciative.
That was a hard lesson for me to learn. I thought I could change my ex-husband and of course, this never works. It is codependent stuff.
MLRO is dead on, when we help those that don't ask for help, we are showing them that they can't do it. So they already feel weak and less-than and we show them they truly are less-than by doing all this crap for them. That they don't appreciate.
I was at the doctor's this week. I thanked everyone. I thanked the gal doing the blood work. Make it a habit to thank those that do for you. If they did something special like the blood lady not making it hurt, I try to mention that. I say thank you to them and it didn't hurt, you are a magician or something light like that. Thank the grocery store checker, the uber driver, the man picking up his dog poop on your yard. It feels good to be kind in this way and people generally do appreciate the kindness offered. But those who are users and losers will not appreciate it. You helped two people who do not feel good by your helping. This is when it is a red flag, we have to stop offering help. Let people ask for help and then judge for yourself if this is actually helping them or hurting them - keeping them weak and dependent on us.
Thank you everyone for reading this and giving me insight, I appreciate it. I grew up feeling not needed, and in the way sometimes. Also I couldn't help my crazy mother let go of an abusive gaslighting drunkard I didn't know what to do I regret giving up on her like the way I did because she found an even more abusive bastard. But I came back and I clean sometimes when I'm not working and I take her to the doctor. I guess I need to admit fixing isn't actually helping because it's practically making them choose something that's my idea and not theirs