People and My Truth

People think I'm a good girl. If they find out how many times I lied to my parents they'd start. People think I'm an overachiever. If they find out how many times I've quit they'd start. People think I'm a perfectionist. If they see the mess I've made in my room they'd start. People think I'm outgoing. All I want to do is hide. People think I have a happy presence. If they find out all the people I've hurt they'd start. People think I'm happy. If they find out I cut myself they'd start.People think I have an awesome life, they don't know I'm suicidal. People don't really know me, if they did, they'd rethink everything about me, they'd start spreading rumors, not liking me, I'd start feeling like I failed, I'd start crying more and more and my thoughts of suicide will come back more and more. I was supposed to get help a week ago, but I didn't, now I feel like I'm slowly slipping back into the sad reality that I know won't go away so I don't see the point in trying.