Pdoc tomorrow...

I think it is time I go see the Pdoc... I called the Gdoc and she said the medicines were all category C and that she is comfortable with those.  But I think she's afraid to say anything because she doesn't want to go against my Pdoc and have me freak out.  Thing is I've never TOTALLY freaked out.  I've made BIG mistakes.... But they were unknowing that I was sick.  Now my friends family and myself all know about it and have learned to deal with it medicated.  I think it might be possible to tackle it without meds.  For example I feel emotional today so instead of trying to do the dishes or even cook dinner or really anything... no homework, no bath, no anything... instead I just layed down.  I nkow that is what I needed.  (course Im' up late now so that is kind of stupid.)  Anyhow I'm going to talk to him candidly about what I'm thinking and see what he thinks.  Just for the record I have never tried to commit suicide.  I have spent a great deal of time thinking about it, but never even tried anything more than scratching myself like an idiot in hysterical tears!  Worst thing I've ever done is spent all our money and put us in bankrupcy oh yeah and almost ended my marriage because I was made at Rickie for not being there for me.  I'm realizing that my husband is not my friend... oh well guess you can't have eveyrthing!  Needless to say I have to go to sleep baby demands it.  Goodnight and please pray!