Part of me just doesn't want to deal

I have been mellow today, dealing well with keeping my emotions in check - even when I felt them
going one way or the other (I quickly understood why they were happening most likely ...fatigue and I also drank some champagne.)
I have been feeling well enough to have a clearer vision of my life, lately. I have felt clear enough to start to understand making a plan for one's life, to have certain things in it, to make plans, have goals
relationship wise and professionally. In the past I don't know if I ever felt so solid about that. So, with this realization, I am starting to see the negative influence having all these issues (that we discuss here) and how I kind of need to process out the facts that are coming clear.
I have a limited life. I want more. I cherish the things in my life that give me peace (though I still want more.) I have a daily and weekly routine and that gives me a sense of control about my life (and so it is calming.) I am very lucky to be able to have a routine. I would definitely create a new one if I am ever to move from this boarding house.
I think it's an important thing that I have come here to write all this down. I nearly didn't - but as the day has worn on, I think it's been increasingly wearing on me that I needed to express this stuff. I needed to get it out.
I don't know if this is the kind of stuff I would want to confide in a love mate, but I think in great part a journal like this would be the place to put thoughts.
Part of me just wanted to ignore the feelings. I realize that probably isn't a good thing. Thanks for reading.