painful end to 2014
So here it is. The painful end to 2014. Since the divorce will take me well into 2015 (and that's all if I'm lucky) I am wondering what year, if any, will I begin to feel better? I fear everything. Being alone forever, being this sad forever, never making new friends (I don't have single/ divorced friends and you know the married ones are going to disappear.)
I am a nice person. Much nicer than the one who left me. I am slim, attractive, employed, a good mom, a good wife - no matter what he changed his story to - and I have a good sense of humor. I don't need to be the center of attention. I'm a good listener. I am not the world's most interesting person. I have flaws. (Sometimes I leave a dish in the sink overnight before I wash it. And I am a little shy.)
But I can't stop crying and I hate it. And I hate that he gets to run off to be with his whore and be happy while I suffer and have to heal from all the bullcrap he caused.
I hate that my kids are seeing me cry. I keep telling them I am almost done. I hate that our life as a family wasn't enough for him. I hate that I never once in my whole life imagined he'd be a cheater. I hate that this is crushing me. I hate that I feel hopeless.
I hate that he ruined Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's.
I hate that I think of him at all and stress, when I know he is certainly not thinking of me and feeling the same.
And I hate that I feel all dead inside. Because this is the worst. It really is the worst.
I am a nice person. Much nicer than the one who left me. I am slim, attractive, employed, a good mom, a good wife - no matter what he changed his story to - and I have a good sense of humor. I don't need to be the center of attention. I'm a good listener. I am not the world's most interesting person. I have flaws. (Sometimes I leave a dish in the sink overnight before I wash it. And I am a little shy.)
But I can't stop crying and I hate it. And I hate that he gets to run off to be with his whore and be happy while I suffer and have to heal from all the bullcrap he caused.
I hate that my kids are seeing me cry. I keep telling them I am almost done. I hate that our life as a family wasn't enough for him. I hate that I never once in my whole life imagined he'd be a cheater. I hate that this is crushing me. I hate that I feel hopeless.
I hate that he ruined Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's.
I hate that I think of him at all and stress, when I know he is certainly not thinking of me and feeling the same.
And I hate that I feel all dead inside. Because this is the worst. It really is the worst.
Replies
Yes it is, but you\'ll get through it.
Just allow those sad and hopeless thoughts through the holidays but once they are over try harder to be more positive. I have been so much better recently but even these holidays are so very difficult after spending them as a family all together for so many years and then things changed. You will be ok soon if you put your mind to it. You sound like a great person and you just have to extend yourself and you will make new friends. I did but only because I tried and went to support and meetup groups. I met so many nice divorced women my age and it helps when you feel you are not the only person this happened to. Jan. 2 will soon be here!!!! Yeah!!!!
Please don\'t take this the wrong way. But be stronger than he is. NEVER let him see you in this state or the kids. If you dwell on the bad, the good will not come. Always look at the bright side, and yes there is a bright side. I made sure I posted very happy xmas pictures on fb for her to see. See or her kids have posted no pictures of mom. That is because she is not doing well. Get a nice pair of shoes, call them your walking shoes, put them on walk away from the past and never look back . Forward thinking is best and making your life the best it can be.