Pain

I'm trying to limit my journaling to one entry a day - I don't know what to do with this dreadful pain, this heartbreak, this welling up in tearfulness, this brokenness. I just want to get this pain to stop. It hurts so much. Today is probably going to be a nothing day, where little will happen. I might try and escape for a walk. A little freedom and air. Yesterday evening my mum just told me to shut up. She hasn't apologised, probably doesn't remember. I'm trying to cope with half remembered things and the great joy to me my marriage and children were - will I ever see them again?