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last night was horrible. Feeling tired this morning. I can be so fragile and crumble when certain things happen, and bad mood followed by insomnia. Already on my second cup of coffee. 

I do feel better as I expected the mood to continue. I know what sucked the life out of me. I was checking my hair and roots in the mirror and my grey hair is multiplying rapidly. I’m going gray.

im not even 45 yet, few more months, and in my family all close and more distant they don’t go grey till the age of 60 onwards, even later in some cases. When my roots start growing and I see the reality of all white hair coming soon, it breaks my heart. I know it’s not the world’s biggest problem but it’s a problem to me. Just a few years ago I was fun loving and felt so much younger. Had a few white hairs, so few.. I didn’t like it, but I always liked highlighting my hair so it’s easier to cover. But now.. few years down the line I’m feeling so old, I am feeling like I’m older than my uncles and other more senior members in big family.. why am I so different from everyone?? Yesterday I was so broken after checking in the mirror. I feel this way every time roots start appearing, because they seem much whiter every time and more dense.

im tired of me, tired of my thinking process, tired of who I am and how even when I try to stand up, something happens and knocks me out, loose my balance so easily and drop . I don’t want to be this. But I am all of this.

will try to lighten up later. No energy to work on positivity right now. I’m ok, this too shall pass.