p.s. tomorrow is halloween!

not functioning very well......apologise for all the nots. 

not hugging you lately

not writing you lately

not sending out cards

not much of anything

praying to share a tidbit of foolishness

the weather changed drastically & suddenly.  cold winds, lower temps......barometric changes are a huge whap on kids like us.....saturday was barely there and sunday was mostly g o n e gone.

in bed, wiped out, achy head to toe, fibro pain, glandular pain, sore throat, flash pain points in side of abdomen, lightning strikes in leg, hip, foot......lower back.  sleep escape helps......inability to stay awake is a fierce force.

the phone rang at 6:55......groggy me answered as soon as i noticed the time.  when the phone rings so early in the morning it means it's not a telemarketer...it's family.  my mind flashes the words "Is Everyone OK?"

the phone id says "clothing pickup".  i am mad.  not immediately, takes a while to sink in......brain fog needs added time to process anything that happens.  my heart is beating so fast. i pad around the house, it's so cold, the wind is up, i hear things hitting the roof, the house......i make sure that the heat is on.  yup, good.  i get an extra blanket, some fresh water, wonder why Rio is so upset........

7 am means that i slept the whole of sunday without eating........and rio must be feeling lonesome.  i keep thinking about that group wanting to arrange clothing donations at such a ridiculously early hour - let it simmer hotter and hotter.  what else do i have to do really?  my life is so dull at times that i think i should count the hairs on my head, the swirls on the ceiling.....the tiles on the floor......dull.  but i would forget to finish any of these things like i forget to do so much around here.  i rarely read anymore, books cry on their shelves waiting on me to remember to eat their words.  breathe in their scent, visit the world with them......soar and dive......win and lose....explore and learn. i am so tired of tiredness.

it's really dark still, the clock reads 8:00.  i try to remember when the time changes this fall, why it hasn't changed already, is this another significant part of climate change?  this utter darkness......8 am.  oh dear.  dark as pitch........

i hit redial.....leave a message for this clothing pickup group that doesn't identify themselves by any company.  i let it out......

"Hello, please remove my number from your calling list asap.  I give them the number twice to be sure they have it..I say:

I can't believe that you call anyone at this time of the morning.  It's not only illegal it's beyond rude........shame on you!  I'm ill and when my phone rang this morning my heartrate jumped significantly.  You scared me, that is just not right.......remove me from your list, when you do call others let them know what organization you represent.......and be certain to call when it's proper to do so.  consult the hours  you may legally engage with the public.....I thought something had happened to my family.......how dare you! so rude......etc, etc, etc.

yup, i gave them a speech from my stuffy little soapbox........and hung up.

i curled up in bed......and continued to wonder at how dark it was.......so dark out side......and then it  started to come through, it wasn't Monday morning early.........it was still Sunday.  the group did not call me early, they called at 5 minutes until 7 pm EST. ohhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyy word.  i am an unregistered idiot of the worst kind.  so much brain fog that i now complain about things that are not right at all........i have lost all street cred.  i've come undone.

.........it's funnier now...........but last night it was not so funny.  i wasn't awake long at all.....ate some soup & crashed again.  i did some chores today - making a meatloaf.  hard boiled some eggs, made fresh garden salad & celery sticks......took the trash out.....waiting for bruce to come and do stuff.......ready the house/yard for winter.......all i want to do is lie back down and become invisible in the  blankets.  i wish i hadn't gone to the mountains.......it was too much for me this time.  not being able to do stuff while there was very depressing.  mostly i was in the cabin watching movies rented from the office. 

i'm having an endoscopy the 27th of november.....please Lord help me stop taking the xarelto ......no xarelto on saturday the 25th or sunday the 26th.  MUST NOT GOOF THIS UP......

i love you......i'm wiped out........i have almost three hundred emails......mostly junk but it's a lot to wade through at some point.  i need to cheer up, remember to believe it will get better.  been here before and the sun came back out.......just can't quite take in future goodness right now......feel so wiped out.  the street cleaner machine flattened the essence that is me.  ugh.

hold on to your sweet selves, there will be happy days again.......happy hours, hugs that don't hurt every time......love from a good person......so hold on to the promise of better........if that is too hard then hold on for me as i hold on for you.......love, ruthie sparrow