Overwhelming loneliness
I am just so sad tonight. My heart hurts I have never wanted anything so badly than to have my baby back. My life is just so dark without her. I cannot see where I will ever see any light again. I am trying so hard to be " normal" for the rest of my family's sake, but I am just SCREAMING inside. I miss her loud voice, her driving me crazy, her crazy curly hair, and beautiful big brown eyes.I miss her "not taking shit" type of attitude and at the same time would do anything to help anyone, I was so proud of her for that.
I just want her back so so bad. I don't want to be on this earth without her. I know I have others that need me but I just have nothing to offer.
Im going to try and sleep, maybe she will visit me in my dreams. I love you Marissa Nicole forever!
I just want her back so so bad. I don't want to be on this earth without her. I know I have others that need me but I just have nothing to offer.
Im going to try and sleep, maybe she will visit me in my dreams. I love you Marissa Nicole forever!
Replies
Oh my dear. I wish I could be there to cry with you. Of course you miss your cherished Marissa. I have no words of wisdom; just feel the feelings. Yell, scream, throw things (preferably pillows).
As for normal; I am no longer the Marlene I was before I lost Lisa. It took time to figure out how I fit in this world.
I understand the need to hang in here. I did not want to be alive without Lisa. My son and I made a pact that we would stay around for one another (we both have a diagnosis of clinical depression). We both knew that we couldn\'t hurt anyone more than they were hurt already.
I am so glad you found FMO. The wonderful moms here understand and care. Please come here whenever you need to let it all out.
Love and tight caring hugs,
Marlene
Yes....I so understand.
I never thought I\'d see daylight again.....wasn\'t even sure I wanted to in the beginning. Somehow....somehow....with the love and support of all the FMO moms, I did. It doesn\'t come easily and it doesn\'t come quickly, but someday, somehow, LIGHT does come for us again.
Just keep journaling, keep sharing your heart....all the fear, all the sadness, all the anger, all of it. That is truly what helped (helps) me most of all.
If you can think of a funny story to share about Marissa, that would help too. It helps when we can SEE their silliness and HEAR their laughter again through sharing those stories. We\'d love to know \"our\" girl better!
Tightest of heart hugs sweet friend~~
Love to you!
Love to Marissa Nicole!
Hoping you find some peace today. Hugs, Paula
The only way I got through those dark, dark days, was to cry, to read books about the afterlife, and to look for Seth. I knew he was around me, I just had to know what to look for. I promise you Marissa is still there - watching you. Please look for those signs. She\'ll let you know. Let me tell you my most recent story - I was sitting by myself in the house, emails, bill paying, etc, quiet. All the sudden, I heard a coin drop, and roll a bit, almost in a circular sound, until it came to rest. I got up to go look where in the world that coin came from - there was a penny, rolled to rest on the dining room floor, but no other money anywhere else in the area. Not on the table, not on any chairs, not near any shelf, nothing - no cat to disturb anything. Seth let me know he was there and with me - pennies from heaven. Have faith - she\'s there with you. Patti
I completely understand. It was only 2 weeks ago I was so desperate myself. I just didn\'t see a life without my sweet Ralph. He was my sweet angel, and Marissa was yours. I read your message this morning, and this is my first opportunity to get to a computer. I just have my support to offer you. I\'m in the same boat losing my son only 4 months ago. I have so many days that I just can\'t function and then I do have better days. My love and support goes out to you
Chris
The fifth anniversary of my son\'s death is passed. Thank G-d, got through it again. Who can believe it\'s been five years. Still feels so new some days, and so far away....I hadn\'t seen him in the last five years of his life.....my mistake!
The pain still comes and goes, but there are respites, days with other problems, other colors in our lives, other loves, goals..we grow and change. I am so sorry you\'re on this journey, too. No getting off, either.
Strong hugs, holding hands, keep journalling, we all understand how you feel. Love, Abby
I understand....had all those same feelings myself. Please share some stories of Marissa with us - would love to hear them. Hugs, Ann
Yes, yes you are so normal. That gut wrenching pain and feeling so damn empty sometimes just overwhelms us. I\'m here with you. Keep journaling and sharing because it will help you and I love getting to know your Marissa.
(((hugs)))) Vicki
I hope you were able to get some sleep. It\'s so important to our well being as we deal with the most painful grief ever. We understand how hard it is to try to take care of yourself when you really don\'t even feel like going on. We are here beside you encouraging you each step of the way. One moment at a time dear friend, that\'s all, just one moment at a time.
Hugs of compassion, love & understanding......Vicki
I ALSO WANT MY DAUGHTER TO BE HOME WITH ME IT HAs been 11 years and i can hold something of hers and just cry , or her husband TEDDY MY WHOLE FAMILY IS GONE ACCEPT 1 SISTER. AND MY HUSBAND. SO I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MISS YOUR ANGEL BIG HUG; AND LOVE MARY ANN