Overwhelmed and Down
I haven't felt this low in a long time. I keep thinking of suicide, how to do it, where and when I don't want to trouble or offend anyone. I want to be alone I don't want to talk to anyone. I have been hiding my feelings for a long time and I think that people wont believe me when I say I am depressed, sad, anxious, suicidal.... I'm crashing and I can feel myself letting go. I live at home so my mom sees how I am from day to day. But, as I said I cover it up with a smile and happy attitude so I don't worry her. I know if I was to go back into the hospital it wouldn't be good.
I am so overwhelmed with feelings right now, I don't know what to do. I am at work until 7pm and it's only about 1pm. I don't want to deal with this and I don't want to deal with people!!! I am so down.
I'm not on DS that often anymore. You can always email me at targos@me.com we can be email support buddies...
I am so overwhelmed with feelings right now, I don't know what to do. I am at work until 7pm and it's only about 1pm. I don't want to deal with this and I don't want to deal with people!!! I am so down.
I'm not on DS that often anymore. You can always email me at targos@me.com we can be email support buddies...
Replies
It\'s amazing how we think we are so weak and yet can be so strong to hide our true feelings and force out a smile and a laugh every day. That you are thinking of ending everything but able to hide these emotions shows how strong you really are, even if it may not feel that way. You can beat this. Please get help if you haven\'t already - whether that\'s meds or therapy or talking to people. I know exactly how you feel but keep pushing through. I hope you are able to find a way through the day. Hugs
Hey,
I still get emails when people I am friends are posting on this website. Let me give you my issue in a nutshell. I deal with obsessive,intrusive thoughts. It all started in 2006. Im not going to go into huge detail, but I had some things happen in my life and when they happen, it hit me like a ton of bricks. When these things happened I would get these negative, overwhelming thoughts, that only I could understand and hear. At first I thought well maybe if I did this, this, this and this they would go away. At first I would do little things and they would go away, but then it would go onto something else, until later in life I was diagnosed with OCD, and I thought was great, whatever. My OCD got sooo bad, I felt like I was going \"crazy\", literally. Like I could never be on my own, or I can\'t beat this. This lastest for a long time, around 6 years. Throughout that time I would do these behaviors constantly, and it was exhausting at the end of every day. During that time span, I was seeing a therapist, he was/is an Amazing person and thank him everyday. Then at the start of 2012, I said screw it I am done. Little did I know I don\'t know what I was getting into. So from them all the way until the current moment, I went soooooooo long without doing my behaviors. Late last year, I had a breakdown, a huge huge breakdown and said \" I can\'t do this anymore\". I fought for around a year and a half. But thank the Lord, I found I was fighting/exposing to OCD w/out medicine. I used to be soooo against, thinking it was for painsies, or I might get hooked on it. But ever since late 2013, I have never been so free in my life. The thoughts are still there, of course. But every since I started taking medicine I fully accepted that I had formed was OCD and this medicine is to help me, and BOOM! it has helped immensley. So I am typing this and seeing myself freer then every. Now I know my struggle, I know I have my limits. I have accepted that these thoughts are chronic, they may never go away. But I have to trust that these thoughts have never ever, ever, ever been right away, so I call it soaking and let them in and they will diminish. I also accept that I can do my behavior one time, because if I do, I know I will get back up, but my mind will do anything to give in.
That is my story. Look I dont know your story or what you are going through, I have no idea what is like to be you or what you go through on a daily basis. But I would hope my story would give you encouragement, hope, etc. Am I completely healed, nope, but for today and not yesterday or tomorrow. Im good. Also, not get religious on you or think \"here comes the Bible thumpher story\" But I have given up all of my behaviors and gave it all to God and ever since then I have felt free. Im always prayting for my friends and others that are dealing with any mental disorders. I think some things have helped me a least. 1) Stay Busy, I dont care what it is 2) Keep on doing what your doing on a daily basis. 3) Never, Never, Never give up man. Trust me man, I was there and its an ugly feeling. 4) Never give up on trying new medicines and methods, always fight and be proactive in your fight. Never let this Fucker/Fuckers take your life again....I like how my therapist said it. You have to look at it as your brain is injured just like how one was an ankle injury or diabetes. You just have to keep at it until you find that medium.
Like I said man, I will not even try to imagine I know what you are going through or even pretend. Just like I try to tell others what the matter with me is, but I have fully accepted they will never understand it. But please please please don\'t ever give up man. If you need anything else man, please let me know.