Overwelming Grief
The weekend had gone ok, I had my 4 month old grandson while my daughter and son in law were away for their 1st wedding anniversary, which was today. Got up this morning, fed and changed my grandson. Then as I was considering whether to go to church today or not, I was thinking I know the people at church are going to be celebrating fathers day, which I know they should. I didn't think I could handle being around all that celebration, with the loss of Paul was still fresh. Then this overwelming feeling of loss started to come over me, I tried real hard to keep it together, with Zachary there. I was doing fine while he was with me, I believe because I put all my attention on spending time with him. And when I toke him back home, and spent time with my daughters family for a little while, I was fine on my drive back home.
But no matter how hard I tried, by keeping busy straightening up my apartment, that overwelming feeling just seemed to keep building inside of me. Until it was just to much for me to keep back. It was like flood gates of pure emotion breaking through, it came bursting through.
It seems that I am doing fine for so long, learning to go on with life on my own. Then it hits me like a huge build up of emotion, bursting its way through. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, that I can keep it all together. The loss of my dear sweet Paul, may just always be their lurking in the background. That is why I truly believe that I don't see myself with anyone else, partly could be out of fear. Fear of losing that person, like I lost Paul and Joe.
But no matter how hard I tried, by keeping busy straightening up my apartment, that overwelming feeling just seemed to keep building inside of me. Until it was just to much for me to keep back. It was like flood gates of pure emotion breaking through, it came bursting through.
It seems that I am doing fine for so long, learning to go on with life on my own. Then it hits me like a huge build up of emotion, bursting its way through. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, that I can keep it all together. The loss of my dear sweet Paul, may just always be their lurking in the background. That is why I truly believe that I don't see myself with anyone else, partly could be out of fear. Fear of losing that person, like I lost Paul and Joe.
Replies
Karen -
I know how you\'re feeling. I have been trying to keep in together all day. I have kept busy - Heath, who\'s 19 and I have been doing things that Daddy liked to do..........trying to have a day that he would have enjoyed. But it always comes back to the fact that I miss him so very much. I always come home, feeling like he should be here waiting for me - or that I should be able to call him and tell him about our day. The hollow feeling - the ache in my heart - it\'s always there and it seems like it always will be. I can not stand the thought of spending the rest of my life without Mark here to share it with me..........I really don\'t know how I can do that. I guess that\'s why I\'m just trying to take one day at a time and not look into the future. But this one day .... has been a tough one..........
Wishing you a better evening. Hugs to you.
Christine
Hi,
Holiday are very hard for us. Hang in there Monday is around the corner. I\'m glad you have grandson. I love the 4 months age they are to young to get around they smile all the time and they have not learned to talk back. I know it was hard for father\'s day. Another holiday of 1st are now behind us
Malia
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