Over a year into transition
A lot has changed, mostly for the better, for me.
I'm having to get used to being flirted with by the ladies! I always got flirted with by guys pre-transition, but now, it's the ladies flirting with the guy they see(me) that has me pleased and amused. I hated being flirted with by guys before - it always felt icky and wrong, when everyone saw me as a female. Now that everyone sees me as a male, I'm enjoying being flirted with by the ladies.
My voice is dropping lower. I have male hair growth - and texture. My build is shifting to be male. As I loose weight - I admit I hid behind excess fat before, and now am finally letting it go - I am becoming better-looking as a man. Funny - at 47, I look more like a man of 22.
Emotionally, things have changed too. I no longer am so sensitive; I don't cry at nothing anymore. Thank God! I HATED crying all the time - I never went out to a movie for fear I'd start crying for no reason! Now, I can go see a movie without worrying that I'll burst into uncontrolled, unreasoning tears for nothing!
I am preparing to join a local LARP - Live Action Role Play - as a social outlet. I don't have finances to spare, but I need social interaction - and more connections might help me land a job in real life.
My housemates have moved out! It's just me and my big cat now. I finally have privacy and space for whatever I want to do!
Financially, things are getting worse - longer I've been out of work, less money left to draw upon. Hopefully, I'll land a job soon - I need a steady income. However, I still would NOT go back to the life I had before transitioning!
I am far happier now than ever before - I can actually feel HAPPY now! I am no longer being treated for depression.
I am thinking more about getting bottom surgery done - the gender reconstruction bits of it. I've been doing some research online, and I think the Centurion medioplasty (spelling) is the way I'd go, if I could afford it.
I have gotten to where I can just let some things go - not let things get to me, or upset me.
I get called "sir" routinely now! It still feels great - and I love it!
I am also finding I can let go of more of my belongings now - they no longer have such an emotional significance. Which means I can further de-clutter my life, and toss stuff out!
I have found one way to reduce my sex drive is to give in to it. After I have sated it, I am free to think and do other things for days before it starts taking over again. This from someone who never had a sex drive before getting on T!
I have found I seem to be bisexual as a man. This has taken a lot for me to admit to, given how I was raised, and how I never felt attracted to men as a female. Now that I am a male, I have discovered I am attracted to both men and women. Maybe it is a result of so long living repressed, without a sex drive - it's perhaps a case of, "if it feels good, do it". Not sure - but I do know I enjoy anal sex, as well as clitoral stimulation. Go figure. Been solo all this time - never any partners at all.
I finally accept treating myself better is fine - I can get myself little things to make myself feel good; I can do things because I want to; I don't have to deny myself. Even on my barely-there budget, I can still do a splurge for myself every once in a while - and NOT feel bad about it. As long as my bills are paid, and there's food for my cat and myself, I CAN allow myself a few small pleasures. After a lifetime being told by everyone - parents, etc. - that I CAN'T have anything, I am now telling myself it's ok, I CAN have it.
My pottery business has been put on hold - I can't set up my kilns to fire my pottery where I am right now - costs way too much to rewire for the electrical needs of the kilns. I am writing and doing other things to bring in money as much as possible.
Today, I have been working on the computer - writing, etc. - for hours, and have had a cat in my lap the entire time - almost 5 hours straight!
I am more willing to do things for myself now - less likely to wait for someone else to do them, less likely to ask others to do them. Allergic to cut grass - but going out to mow the lawn anyway. Hate doing dishes - but going to do them anyway. It's empowering when I finish one of these things now.
Speaking of which, I best get to it.
I'm having to get used to being flirted with by the ladies! I always got flirted with by guys pre-transition, but now, it's the ladies flirting with the guy they see(me) that has me pleased and amused. I hated being flirted with by guys before - it always felt icky and wrong, when everyone saw me as a female. Now that everyone sees me as a male, I'm enjoying being flirted with by the ladies.
My voice is dropping lower. I have male hair growth - and texture. My build is shifting to be male. As I loose weight - I admit I hid behind excess fat before, and now am finally letting it go - I am becoming better-looking as a man. Funny - at 47, I look more like a man of 22.
Emotionally, things have changed too. I no longer am so sensitive; I don't cry at nothing anymore. Thank God! I HATED crying all the time - I never went out to a movie for fear I'd start crying for no reason! Now, I can go see a movie without worrying that I'll burst into uncontrolled, unreasoning tears for nothing!
I am preparing to join a local LARP - Live Action Role Play - as a social outlet. I don't have finances to spare, but I need social interaction - and more connections might help me land a job in real life.
My housemates have moved out! It's just me and my big cat now. I finally have privacy and space for whatever I want to do!
Financially, things are getting worse - longer I've been out of work, less money left to draw upon. Hopefully, I'll land a job soon - I need a steady income. However, I still would NOT go back to the life I had before transitioning!
I am far happier now than ever before - I can actually feel HAPPY now! I am no longer being treated for depression.
I am thinking more about getting bottom surgery done - the gender reconstruction bits of it. I've been doing some research online, and I think the Centurion medioplasty (spelling) is the way I'd go, if I could afford it.
I have gotten to where I can just let some things go - not let things get to me, or upset me.
I get called "sir" routinely now! It still feels great - and I love it!
I am also finding I can let go of more of my belongings now - they no longer have such an emotional significance. Which means I can further de-clutter my life, and toss stuff out!
I have found one way to reduce my sex drive is to give in to it. After I have sated it, I am free to think and do other things for days before it starts taking over again. This from someone who never had a sex drive before getting on T!
I have found I seem to be bisexual as a man. This has taken a lot for me to admit to, given how I was raised, and how I never felt attracted to men as a female. Now that I am a male, I have discovered I am attracted to both men and women. Maybe it is a result of so long living repressed, without a sex drive - it's perhaps a case of, "if it feels good, do it". Not sure - but I do know I enjoy anal sex, as well as clitoral stimulation. Go figure. Been solo all this time - never any partners at all.
I finally accept treating myself better is fine - I can get myself little things to make myself feel good; I can do things because I want to; I don't have to deny myself. Even on my barely-there budget, I can still do a splurge for myself every once in a while - and NOT feel bad about it. As long as my bills are paid, and there's food for my cat and myself, I CAN allow myself a few small pleasures. After a lifetime being told by everyone - parents, etc. - that I CAN'T have anything, I am now telling myself it's ok, I CAN have it.
My pottery business has been put on hold - I can't set up my kilns to fire my pottery where I am right now - costs way too much to rewire for the electrical needs of the kilns. I am writing and doing other things to bring in money as much as possible.
Today, I have been working on the computer - writing, etc. - for hours, and have had a cat in my lap the entire time - almost 5 hours straight!
I am more willing to do things for myself now - less likely to wait for someone else to do them, less likely to ask others to do them. Allergic to cut grass - but going out to mow the lawn anyway. Hate doing dishes - but going to do them anyway. It's empowering when I finish one of these things now.
Speaking of which, I best get to it.
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