Out of control, manic.

Saturday I was pretty much the worst every...
I had a serial killer living inside of me.
I wanted to feed my bodies need for pain.
I seriously felt a need to rape someone.
I seriously felt a need to murder someone.
I didn't know what to do.
I was no longer in control.
I was no longer present.
I felt the need for so many horrible things.
I still sort of do.
I feel manic.
I feel like I'm losing it.
I feel like I can't control myself.
I change very suddenly.
I'm fine, then I'm not.
MY MIND FEELS LIKE IT'S DYING.
BEING EATEN BY THIS SOMETHING.
INSIDE OF ME. IT SCARES ME.
AND THEN THRILLS ME.
IT SCARES OTHERS.
AND I LAUGH AT THEIR FEAR.
I FEEL LIKE KILLING THEM.
THEN MYSELF.
I'm so scared.
I want so badly to be held.
I need more than anything to be fixed.