Our Anniversary and Reclaiming Myself

Today was our anniversary.
 
I was supposed to see him this evening, but I bailed at the last minute claiming I was tired. It didn't matter anyhow, because I guess I gave him the flu the night of his daughter's birthday party! Haha!! I love the poetic justice!
 
I sent him a nice message to which all I got back was an 'Awwwh...' No words of love, or appreciation. I wasn't expecting any, but it would have been nice. I was looking for proof that something really had changed, that he really did finally appreciate and value me, as a human being, and not just someone who did things for him or made him feel a certain way about himself. Nothing changes.
 
I took the opportunity, and blocked him again. It is time for the madness to end. I will get through this too. After all of the things I have overcome in my life, I can overcome my attachment to him.
 
Shame.
 
It lurks in the corners of my soul, and I can only remove it by loving every bit and piece of who I am, even the parts I like to deny existing. I can breathe again, just knowing he isn't out there to knock me down, or sucker-punch me with some bullshit move! I know it won't always be easy, I will have good days and I will have bad days, but through it all I will be there for myself.
 
Starting from scratch.
 
(Haha! I just remembered my psychiatrist describing my recent contact as a 'slip', a bender was more like it!!! I feel like I have just woken up with a huge hangover...)
 
I can sense that loving myself will be the key to creating the life I want- abuse free.