ordering tombstone

oh boy! its been nearly 7 and half months and its time for me to give jessy the honor of having a tombstone.  so it was all arranged, and this morning the lady selected, came to meet with us  to design and choose wording for the tombstone. i have been almost removed from all feelings for quite some time, feeling thats just the way life is. and i was quite calm and ready to do this. but as she started to discuss how we can do it, (my mom and hubby were there too), i got so angry. angry becoz who was this lady to tell us what she thinks!  who is anyone to tell me what is the accepted thing!  who were the people who messed up her life in the first place, with negligence at birth, and just giving her (and me) our 'lot" in life!  and everything just went storming through my brain. and my stomach turned like i was going to puke. and i said excuse me, i cant do this.  and i ran to my bed, and i fell on the bed and i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.and i went to the window and looked up at the clouds and the trees gently blowing in the breeze and i saidn "jessy where are you?  jessy please come and help me with this".  just then my mom came in and said the lady will do just as we want it to be, and with my wording.  I looked up and smiled at jessy. i went back to the table, and went through with the meeting. i got lots of separate ideas in my head. and something weird, in the last 24 hours, FOUR people we know came to us in DIRE need of help, just not coping and collapsing.  and i gave so much compassion and love, and helped as much as I could, and will continue to be there for them. and i felt good. and i felt that jessy was giving me the strength. but still...  going to bed i think, how can it be that a mother must sit there and find wording for the tombstone of her own child