Only one day...
Okay, so here's the deal - I worked myself up to again thinking about the casino and had in my mind that I would drive to PS on Sunday to meet some friends, and leave early to go to the local Casino... ugh. Well, I thought so much about it - triggered by buying crossword tickets lately and winning, that I worked my way into making every excuse in the book to go TODAY... the day before I was even thinking about going...
With that said, it was the usual rollercoaster and I had regrets, of course. I not only lost $$ I lost my self-esteem and confidence that I can stay away from the casino. I retract that - - I do know I can stay away, but triggers and stresses and I know no excuses no excuses no excuses - that is all they are. I put myself in another world, make myself unavailable and unreachable, even to my husband, who I love dearly. If anything happened to him or a close family member during those timeframes, I would never forgive myself.
Okay - I am DONE, yet again... On the ride home, I contacted a fellow CG and talked to her for a while. I am feeling a little bit better now, but at the time, I was furious with myself for giving in and of course, not leaving the premises when I was supposed to!! It is absolutly INSANE!! Yes, it is that, but what it is is an ADDICTION and this is the road I am on - - - knowing the positive changes are possible and get back on the horse, etc.,
Do the battle each day - just remember all the horror of it... Things will be okay - noone got hurt, my lifestyle didn't change as a result of it . . . I will move forward, one step at a time.
I'm fine. Move on!!
SG
With that said, it was the usual rollercoaster and I had regrets, of course. I not only lost $$ I lost my self-esteem and confidence that I can stay away from the casino. I retract that - - I do know I can stay away, but triggers and stresses and I know no excuses no excuses no excuses - that is all they are. I put myself in another world, make myself unavailable and unreachable, even to my husband, who I love dearly. If anything happened to him or a close family member during those timeframes, I would never forgive myself.
Okay - I am DONE, yet again... On the ride home, I contacted a fellow CG and talked to her for a while. I am feeling a little bit better now, but at the time, I was furious with myself for giving in and of course, not leaving the premises when I was supposed to!! It is absolutly INSANE!! Yes, it is that, but what it is is an ADDICTION and this is the road I am on - - - knowing the positive changes are possible and get back on the horse, etc.,
Do the battle each day - just remember all the horror of it... Things will be okay - noone got hurt, my lifestyle didn't change as a result of it . . . I will move forward, one step at a time.
I'm fine. Move on!!
SG
Replies
Only you can control your thoughts. That is the beginning of it. Think about it.
I\'ve been trying a new thing with a lot of my daily decisions. It\'s something my cousin says to her children....\"Make choices, are you making a good choice?\".... it\'s working for me in a lot of ways. It gives me that few extra seconds to think about what I\'m about to do. Try it and see if it helps. We all make wrong choices in our lives, in everything we do, it\'s human nature. Learning from these wrong choices is the important thing. Hang in there!! Peace and Love. Patty