One of my current struggles
My wife has given up.
On us. On the house.
She spends a lot of her days laying in bed watching Netflix.
When it started to get really bad is in 2016.
That year i was laid off from the job that i held for over 15 years.
We went from an almost 6 figure income to food stamps and unemployment checks.
It took almost 8 months to find my next job that was close in pay.
I also lost my dad to PSP during that time between jobs so that was hard for me and the rest of the family.
With my wife choosing to give up she doesn't clean the house. She shops for temporary releaf.
This morning she told me she is tired of living. This is not her first time saying this. The only reason this doesn't scary me is because I know she hates the thought of death more than anything.
Replies
A visit to a medical professional is in order; she may be suffering from "situational depression" at the least and/or chronic depression.
You are probably right but she wont go. And even if I suggest it she would just get mad at me.
She likes to think of herself as unbreakable. She believes it's not her... The problem is everyone else.
She has always been someone who misdirects her anger.
Suggesting she seek help wouldn't go well.
She should definitely seek professional help,IMHO.
You say, "This morning she told me she is tired of living. This is not her first time saying this. The only reason this doesn't scary me is because I know she hates the thought of death more than anything. " Not trying to scare you or tell you I know it all, but you never truly now what's going on in someone's head. In my area there has been 9 suicides in this month at a particular school and all the families saw no warnings/signs/ nothing! They were completely blindsided and of course beating themselves up because they felt if they'd did A,B,C it wouldn't have happened. That's why I say no matter how well you think she won't you also have to think to yourself she can.
If it's really super bad I know you really don't want to hear this but you can file a report that you feel her life is in danger and they'll hospitize her for at least 72 hours while they try to see what's wrong.
https://www.sharecare.com/health/suicide-and-suicidal-behavior/how-person-commit-suicide-hospital
Please don't think she's just talking this way and that's it because you never know! So sure you'll be mad but don't you think that really wouldn't matter if something were to happen one day? Good luck!
Hi IFeel,
I agree with everyone else: definitely seek professional help. If she will not help herself, I would absolutely see what your legal options are as far as forcing her to do so. Even though you *know* she is unlikely to act on her desire not to live anymore, all it takes is a split second impulse to change that decision into a permanent one. I would also suggest seeking counseling for yourself. That is a lot of stress in a very short period of time, and it can be very easy to put your own mental health last in those situations.
Big hug for you IFeel......
I think you should have an honest and calm discussion about what's going on..... This is no good for any of you.... If she's in a depression there is treatment for that
Laying in bed watching Netflix or shopping 'for relief' won't bring her any type of ongoing healing
Do you have a faith? I was wondering about talking to a leader of your faith?
I would remind her that your children need her and they need her to get well.....People can get into a state of depression and then a helplessness can take over and they need some help to get out of it... People can truly get 'stuck'
Sometimes even an antidepressant can make a massive difference
I think it will start with communication though
Try not to let her deflect using anger..... Bring it back on point that the family needs some help and that all that you want is for her to be well ... Remind her that she makes comments such as 'I don't want to go on living' and that you won't fight but that you'd love to reach out 'with her' to get your family some help
Making comments such as "I don't want to go on living' isn't healthy or okay....... I would let her know that you know there's a problem that needs to be helped
I would make an appt with your family doctor to begin with and ask her to go with you.... I would go with or without her to discuss what's been going on and ask for a referral for some help and I would tell her that you're going to seek help whether she chooses to go or not
There's nothing wrong with letting her know how frustrated that you are and that you know that you can't solve these problems without some help
I am so very sorry that you lost your Father....... Gentle hug and a blessing......xo
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Depression affects everyone in your entire family (which I realize is contributing to your overwhelming sense of responsibility to try to ease the burden for your kids, her, ....not to mention yourself)
When you mention her misdirecting anger...I wonder if you and your kids are dealing with this on a regular basis? If she won't consider counseling..... Have you thought of getting some for you and your kids? I have no idea of their ages, but, coming from a dysfunctional family myself, I know firsthand of the damage this can do to everyone.....and how long it takes to overcome.
Years ago, because of circumstances I felt I could do nothing about, I saw no end in sight . My sister did see that i was so very close to giving up completely and did convince me to go inpatient to mental health. There I found the help I desperately needed from trained professionals. Kind therapists who would help me to uncover and face some underlying issues... a social worker who would make arrangements to help me arrange some things that needed to be addressed, but before no one would even consider. They stepped in and did lighten the load.
Right now, trying to figure out how to deal with this all alone .....it is overwhelming and hard to see the slightest chance of change. With therapy, meds, support from others........there is hope for this all to change.. Hang on.
BTW anger is a secondary emotion..... it's caused by something..... usually frustration or fear ..... I would consider anger when deflecting in this case perhaps a control tool that perhaps has worked in the past..... So she may get louder before she'll accept help but that's okay..... You can still require more and ask for help....... A social worker can be referred by your family doctor .....and life can start to change one day at a time....Another hug.....xo