One more Night at Mom's

This is just a holder... I'm going to write the entry on the train on the way home tomorrow and post it then.
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Tonight is my last night at my mom's. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I wanted to yesterday, but today I got in some good time. We were basically running errands, but it was good. I went to Target to get some pills, to WalMart to get some food for my trip, and just around the town a bit. She lives in a small town, so it's nice to get a change of pace. She told me something important, something she's trying to keep a secret, so I'm not going to share it here, but like I was saying yesterday that we hadn't bonded yet, well, we bonded today. It's good to know that my mom trusts me like that. She has already told my brother, but hasn't told my sister yet. It's consistent with the way she treats us- my brother is her favorite, I'm in the middle and my sister is last.
I don't know what I would do if I was last on my mom's favorites list. I know sometimes it feels like I'm last because of the way she favors my brother so highly over me, but it's something I don't have to worry about for now. I don't plan on doing anything to lose my mom's favor. I'm not going to let her secret out, that's for sure. If everything happened the way she wanted. I would be happy. Is it? I don't think it will. But she's making plans and if those plans happened, I would be very happy. But it's dependent on many things that she has no control over. Her plans could backfire and she could end up in a worse spot than she is now. Not that she's in a bad spot right now, but it could get worse, and she could be headed to disaster. I sure hope not, but as time goes on and I can start to talk to her more about it we will see how things go.
I still haven't told my mom some things about me yet... Things that she doesn't need to know, but would like to. All it would do is get me in trouble, so I don't want to tell her. She is opening up to me, and I feel the need to open up to her, but at the same time I don't know what damage I will cause. My relationship with my mom is fragile right now, and the last thing I want to do is wreck it with telling her something that is going to upset her. It's nothing big, it's nothing current, but there are things that I have been keeping from her for her own good. I don't want her freaking out over nothing. Just for example, I was in the hospital more times than she knew about. She would come in, make a big fuss, and then leave. I liked the company, but I didn't want her worrying about me when I was okay. It was only a couple times that I hid that from her... and it was after we got into a fight while I was in the hospital once.
I know if she finds that out, she will be hurt that I didn't trust her, but I hope that once I tell her she can understand. I know things like that hurt, but I didn't mean to hurt her, I was just trying to look out for myself. I didn't want to get into another fight with her when I was in the mental hospital, and she didn't want to either. I was looking out for both of us. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt me, I know it was an accident. I just hope in time I can tell her and she can forgive me. I mean, it's not like I was doing drugs behind her back or anything, I just had to take some personal time on my own without her knowing. I hope she understands. She's pretty understanding about these sorts of things.
Food today was pretty good... I managed to stay in my calorie range. I had some cereal and milk for breakfast, some taquitos for lunch, and country fried steak for dinner. You would think with the high fat foods I would be over my calories, but I was pretty close to being in range. I may have gone over a bit, since I just realized I had a few mini doughnuts, but other than that I did good. I'm trying to do good on my weight since I'm in this weight-loss competition, and there are points awarded for pounds lost, but I had to splurge a bit on vacation. I'm doing good by what I could tell... I only gained a couple pounds, most likely water weight, since I haven't been drinking my water since I was at my mom's. She has problems with her water taste, so I don't like to drink it as much, and I don't like the bottled water she gets. Stress today was moderate... I had to rush to get everything packed to go back home, and sleep was good. I got enough sleep, 12 hours, but I felt tired still. I tried to take a nap but couldn't. Oh well.

Replies

ann54
ann54

larissa, that is so precious to get the bond with your mom, so special. i am so happy for you. i dont think you need to tell your mom anything you dont want to. she knows about your illness and that you have been in the hospital, so not telling the few times you went in is ok. please dont feel guilty or beat yourself up over this, just be happy you are bonding and keep building that up. many hugsss
ZECILKL
ZECILKL

Glad you were able to bond with your mom.. It\'s also great that you got to see her after her stroke. I hope she is doing well.
Have a great trip home. I agree with ann... you don\'t have to feel guilty for not telling her you were in the hospital.
good2go2001
good2go2001

Sounds like youve really had a great time on vacation and seeing your mom those times are so important. I wouldnt be worried about getting off track with eating or not getting the water in while you been gone after all its a vacation and the goal is to relax no stressin out over food and things.. seems you really did stay within your goals most of the time great job! Hope your trip home is a safe one. Huggzz