one foot in front of the other
I'm balancing on the edge of making a decision to commit to something
bigger in a social way in my life.
I have very much realized that I am very lonely and yet holding onto the 'mission
to fill the void' socially is really daunting.
As someone who created and collected art and design while living a very
all work and straight home solitary life, I can see how that was
a substitute for having the meaningful relationships that I currently really want.
I was probably not ready for relationships before as I am now.... Collecting
and making art was kind of a placebo for the beauty of the world
which ultimately saved me.
Now I need to start putting one step in front of the other to go for my social goal...
It may be daunting and I won't be able to control the outcome much like I could create
beauty in a drawing, painting or homescape. I know though, I have been seeing each family
member in my life as having relationships that are significant to them and I know it's my place
to respect their boundaries with them and yet also be a loving brother, son, uncle... In respecting
that boundary I have realized my own need to create the love I want.
My heart has felt a big tug towards being in a community. Real relationships
may sometimes leave me depressed. I think it's something I should talk to my therapist about.
I definitely think it's time to go after the art again but also keep one foot in front of the other.
Peace,
Mark
Replies
in the mean time, rather than hold onto my goal and the reminding feeling of loneliness
and depression to keep 'on goal', I'll take pleasure in the little but cumulative victories
of taking good care of life and seeking out things that help me do good work and also
live a good life.
you have been taking those steps for as long as i have known you, markus questionarius and i had the distinct impression those steps were well underway by then. give yourself credit for the steps well taken and keep on stepping. focus on the journey more than the destination.
art is a damned fine placebo. fine enough to promote to medicine here on your recovery road?
Thanks Arfie, I so appreciate it. Trying to go to sleep here. Giving myself a pep talk about work in the morning. Peace and good night.
Ch-ch-ch-changes. Cue David Bowie. You are an extremely pensive and thoughtful person, Mark, and you sound like you have plenty of awareness to take steps you wish to take. The perfect mold of life is indeed the journey, ups and downs and plateaus included. One foot in front of the other is good. I believe in you - and I believe you have a lot to contribute….to relationships, to community, to family. Sending peace and a jolt of confidence to find a comfortable stride as you step.
Thanks so much Nikki!
I’m also realizing that when I start for a goal and then feel a negativity about it (and so dissapointment in myself) I’m so quickly defeated. Everyone has to deal with the different iterations of their goals.
Keep on keeping on!
I think you deserve everything good that this life has to offer sweetie... You are a wonderful person..... Big hug.... xo
Hola Mark
One foot in front of the other, thank you for the reminder,
I love art too, looking at it, making it ect
Hope you're having a good day so far
Big hug <3
Thanks Jan and lil missy!