One day at a time

Well we spoke yesterday. It was his birthday and it was strained yesterday morning and less strained last night before he left. I have him his birthday present that I had gotten him before all of this started.  He was appreciative and hugged me. He left to go to something he wanted to do last night. I stayed home. Honestly it gave me a chance to continue to think about my erratic behavior the night before. This morning we have spoken some and came to the gym together-in the same vehicle. We spoke comfortably on the way. I'm not sure what the rest of the day will hold. I just hope we can have some days of peace. I am accepting that maybe I have to give this a lot of time. Maybe I can just work on me for now in this time period. I can't ask him to do anything he doesn't want and I guess he will have to evaluate for himself what he is able to work through with me. I can't badger him for answers. I can't hound him. It is my intention to honor my vows to him. I made a commitment to him before God and family and I will honor that commitment and do the best that I can do to try and repair some broken components of this relationship and myself. My husband is the only man I have lived with. He is the only person I have ever been married to. I know that a marriage has seasons and right now this is the stormiest thus far that it has ever experienced. I don't know what the future holds for us and I can't get lost in trying to have an immediate answer. I believe in prayer. I believe in a divine ability to intercede for reasons I don't understand. If our marriage survives the work I am able to put in, it can strengthen this relationship and make that bond stronger. I am hoping for that. But if it fails I can at least be confident in knowing that I can be stronger and better because of it. That's my hope for today. That's where I'm at and for now it has to be good enough. Tomorrow may be different but today and this moment is what I've got.