On the Train once more

I'm on the train right now, heading home. I'm doing my journal early so that way when I get home I can just crash. I think I'm getting sick, and if I'm not sick already I have a feeling that this train ride home will get me sick. I hear people coughing and sneezing all around me. I just hope my voice gets better so I can go to work tomorrow. I want to go, so it's all a matter of me not being sick. I remember one job I had in December I lost my voice for 2 weeks. And that job was doing phone sales, so I couldn't work at all while I lost my voice. That really sucked, and it's one of the reasons I got fired from that job. Well, it was more of mutual. I didn't want to be there, and they didn't want me anymore. When they told me that I had to turn in my badge the next day, I handed it to them right then and there and never looked back. That turned into a string of unemployment until I got hired by Vonage and did more sales. I did good at Vonage, maybe too good. My boss hated that I was outselling her and tried to get back at me and I ended up with a herniated disc. I couldn't work after that, and I had to go to the hospital for a couple days. I ended up quitting that job, since I just couldn't work anymore. I was stressed and panicky, and I knew I would end up in the hospital again if I stayed. So I did what was best for my health and quit.
I've had to do that a couple of times... leave something behind because I couldn't handle it mentally. My graduation present from my stepdad was a trip to the UK, and I ended up canceling at the last minute since I was in no state to be traveling. I feel bad that he spent money on me that he couldn't get back, but I did the best I could and gave him a note from my doctor. Instead of going to the UK, I went to live with Geo. I've been in Miami ever since. I can't begin to tell you how much I owe to him for helping me get more stable and independent. He's helped me get over so much just by caring and loving me. I put him through hell sometimes, and he just knows it's my disorder acting up. I hate that I hurt him, but I can't control myself sometimes. I push him away when I feel bad because I don't feel worthy of him, and I feel that I belong with someone who treats me like crap. I wouldn't leave him for that, but sometimes I want to. He doesn't let me go, though. I'm glad about that. It's just another way that he takes care of me.
Mood so far today is good... I have my headphones and I'm listening to music. I forgot my headphones and MP3 player at home, so I went to the dollar store and got myself a pair of headphones that I just stick in my laptop. They work pretty good for $2 headphones. I will have to see how they work with my MP3 player. It's a bit odd sometimes with headphones. Some it likes, and some it doesn't. I know Geo has the same MP3 player that I have, but my headphones only work on mine and not his. I don't know why that is, but whatever. Listening to music always makes me feel better. Well, not always, but it does help me feel better when I'm bored or down. Time is sure running fast today. It's almost 3pm, so I'm halfway through my trip. I think me taking a nap helped the time go faster. I heard that when you are on your way home from a trip, time seems to pass faster than going to your destination. I feel that coming home today is making time pass fast.
Food today is going to be bad. I'm eating nothing but junk. I did have chicken soup for breakfast and I have spaghetti for lunch, and then dinner will be chicken, but I had some Oreo cookies and some Ritz crackers and cheese, along with a Fiber One bar. I have to be careful and only eat when I'm hungry, since I've been eating out of boredom lately, and that's a dangerous path for me to get back on. Hopefully it will stop when I get home and back on my regular schedule. I'm feeling weird right now, like everything is a dream. I feel like I've dreamed of this before and I'm back in a dream. I think I should try and sleep a bit more, maybe that will help. Going into dreamland instead of just feeling like I'm in dreamland. I think that's what I'm going to do. Well, I'm back and feeling better. I don't think I napped, but I don't know sometimes. I'm just on the computer again, waiting for the train to get to Miami so I can take another train and two buses to get home. I can't wait to be back in my own bed again. I will be there soon!