on the fly
after a lot of spinning and trying to keep up with observations of my heart and head -
trying to keep up with the two - to make sense of things - I finally gave up today and realized I can't live in wisdom
I'll have to make sense 'on the fly' of things - and I realized that's what most people are doing.
I have a lot of go go energy and creativity energy - but I just have to recognize that I cannot keep
wondrously sane all the time - but I do know that, as my therapist said, it's important to rein myself back
in (as in 'oh yeah i can get like this when I am tired) and then get on the task at hand.
I just cleaned the altar and did a good job - I didn't want to do it, but it's my responsibility
and so if I would do it - I will do a very good job and that will be what I get out of it....
And what I realized when getting on with things that everyone is making sense of things
as we get on with the day's activities - on the fly - there's no mystery to that now except for the different
ways people are making sense - we each do it.
Replies
I think when I get fatigued and also lose track of what i really want, the ensuing anxiety and rumination can be helped by recognizing that I’m tired. As well the thought that i get that way when I'm tired but also asking myself and accepting what i really want versus what i have to do. Sometimes deciding to do a good job at stuff even though i don't want to do it will be the reward if slim that i will get from tonight’s responsibilities
It feels good to do a good job for sure
Knowing that you care and put in the effort matters
I hope that you rest well tonight sweetie...xo
Thanks Jan!
i guess this is weird but i am awakening to be able to conceive of certain things more clearly - and not feel so alien.
I was lying on my bed with Blue, getting in touch with him after a morning of appointments.
I started to think what do I want to do? What can I do? I felt frozen just in the essence of the moment.
Sounds pathetic and entitled. I couldn't make a decision and then I thought about what other people are doing.
Other people have jobs they are taking care of, their lives, their children and spouses if they have them.
It just suddenly dawned on me that most people are about contributing (an idea my therapist gave me which
now is finding greater sense to me.) So shut off from the world outside myself for so long - I've felt
so other but now it's making sense! People are taking care of their lives. and as I have said "life is about taking care of life
and keeping it going" .....I hope you guys are finding good spirit to your day! xx Mark
Sounds like you are struggling a bit Mark, but working on it. It does feel good to do a good job when you have a chore. A feeling of accomplishment. Take care,
Thanks Becky! I’m ok, just living and learning
wisdom is one of those concepts which give me brain sprain. both defining and recognizing wisdom is elusive, at best. perhaps my favorite definition of intelligence is, "he/she agrees with me." perhaps i can define wisdom as, "and they are taking my advice."
some days i wonder if wisdom is quieting my own opinions for long enough to hear god's guidance.
by whatever definition, ^it^ is a solo journey. the royal we craves ^it^ but the path there is individual. no buses.
I agree with you Arfie we’re all on our path