On the down swing

In the past few months i've had a LOT of financial problems. I had been an independent contractor in the video production buisness, and work was getting harder to come by. I was actually two months behind on my mortgage. Not good. Well this past week i took a full time job with great pay and benifets. I was able to talk to the mortgage company and creat a plan of catching up (now that i have an income i can count on). What a stress releiver right? Well now that every thing looks like its going to be ok and i can calm down about it... everything about the abuse is now hiting me again. Yesterday was bad. I have to drop my son off at school way before i need to be at work, and our house is accross the river from school and work. Durning rush hour the traffic on THE bridge can get real bad, so there is no since in me trying to go back home. I had decided to go to the park and ride my unicyle. By the time i get there i am already starting to cry. I tried to ignore it and rode a little, but my heart wasnt into it. I put it away and woke up my wife with the phone and talked to her for almost an hour. She made me feel better, but the rest of the day i had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had gotten fooled. I thought that i was doing better. I had'nt had flashbacks in a while, no nightmares or anything like that. all of this time it was the finacial stress that hid my SA problems. Frustraiting!! Ive got a show today so i gotta push everything back and be the guy everyone depends on. I cannot let this mess up my new job.