on pleasure

I am home now. I am alone. As much as I would like to be with others

the alone time is unavoidable. It's here. I realize that I want to make myself feel

special. It's what I do when I am at home. I tend to watch shows I like, and stuff my face

with food and drink. I told my Psychiatrist the other day in an email, that I tend to "Bury myself"

in self pleasuring. It's coming to me that it's not the best thing to do. It was kind in an unconscious 'way' that 

I would do this kind of thing without recognizing, or understanding, that it's what I do to deal with the emptiness of my life...."fill 'er UP!" It's ok to do that sometimes maybe and maybe I will end up doing that here again today - but I feel wiser about it now. I would like to be in a place where we're all together and treating each other well. I guess though

I kind of have to 'deal with my life' in a way that gives that kind of stuff to me.

The relationships, creating my own family, working at a job that gives me a sense of joy...volunteering for a good cause. I don't rightly know at the moment but all this stuff kind of merges with what I usually talk about. Watching PBS right now. It's what I usually do.

Ok - have a good weekend all!! :)