On Loss

God prepared me well in advance of my loss.  He told me a change was coming and gave me the signs that would occur before the change.  Now it's here.  Fourteen months ago I would have defined myself as a wife, daughter grandmother, and bird and dog mama to two beautiful creatures.  Now I'm no longer a wife and the grandmother definition is slipping away as the relationship is not a biological one.  Also, both the bird and dog passed on.  So, now, there's just me and the only title I still hold is daughter.
My previous post dealt with how I'm dealing with the change, so I won't go into that again, but frankly, it seems my life is moving in the direction of self.  Before it was about how to keep the ones in my life happy, but now, just me and my father.  Now, I wake up and decide what I'm going to do for the day.  What I'm going to buy at the grocery store.  What I'm going to do about my career. 
It's a strange feeling going from us to I, but I've got to deal with it.
As for the grandchildren.  I've considered what would happen if my husband passed long before he actually transitioned.  It's a hard fact, but no matter how much we love our stepkids and grandkids, you just don't know how they would react if the glue that was holding us together is suddenly not there.  It's been some time since she actually called me, so I'm bracing myself for the possibility that that's it.  I'll not try to hang on to something that is not to be. 
So now for my future.  There's just me to consider.  When I retire, I think I'll head out of the country and live very well on a small amount of money.  I read an article recently that listed countries that many expatriates are living in.  For the average US social security check of 1200 dollars, a person could live in some countries with servants and a large apartment.  Some even have chauffers to drive them around.  Well, this may not be as good as my intended life, it will have to do.  Besides, it was always a dream of mine to live in another country. 
 

Replies

janalM
janalM

Hey, let me know what countries. I am struggling here to make ends meet, have considered taking in a boarder to help out, but that scares me. It is hard to think of I. I want, I need, it just sound funny still. Hang in there, hugs Jane
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh I hope you can come this weekend.would love to talk to you about this possibility............very interesting.....it is so hard to go from us to I........has only been going on 7 mo for me and I am not as together..........part of me still thinks this isn\'t real..........
blessings
Lori
DianeMTB
DianeMTB

I hope it comes true for you. All the best from Diane
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hang in there. Hope all goes well for you. Hugs~Shauna
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have this to be one of the hardest things to do is be alone...go from a couple to being just one...one at dinner, one everywhere I go. I have two daughter\'s one is close the other farther away...but I hate depending on them for companionship..I do have a realationship with my stepdaughter and we are still close and I am happy about that...but the out of the country doesn\'t sound all that bad...I saw a show on tv about relocating and it was a single women and she went to one of the island in the caribbean which would be a nice place to live..and she bought a home pretty cheap...
deleted_user
deleted_user

A home on a tropical island sounds pretty good to me at the moment. I think that when all is settled I could settle for a nice vacation on one. I don`t think that I could move out of country as lovely as that sounds. There is too much for me here. Each of us is different. Hey, when you relocate, I could take a holiday and come and visit! That would be a blast. Hugs.