On Having Children
When I was ten years old I told my parents that if they wanted grandchildren one day, they should have other children because I had no plans to have a child. I kept my word, going through my life child-free, not childless. I also determined at an early age that I never wanted a career where I was responsible for others. I purposely steered my career away from management and spent nearly 25 years in IT before getting out(downsized) and finding a career in sales.
It's taken me my entire life to see the connection. Before becoming a sales person, I tried nursing school. I've got 3 years, but no degree--why? because I couldn't take the stress of being responsible for my patients. I worried constantly about hurting them. I worried to the point that I became sick and had no choice but to leave.
So, adding all this together, I've come to realize that I hate being responsible for other people. That's why I didn't have kids, but love being a step-parent and grandparent. I've been running all my life from the same issue.
Now, it's caught up with me and I have no where to run.
My Dad is getting older. And horror of horror, he's becoming my child. At 84, I've noticed him slipping a little here and there--memory mostly. It appears to be normal age-related memory loss, but I'm not sure. He won't see a doctor and legally I can't force him. He's always been a little off, so it's hard to tell if he's slipping or just his usual self. Last year he was at his worse, arguing constantly, making my life miserable. That's all changed. We get along, but he's become more needy. And of course I'm wanting to run. I don't want a child. I've never regretted my decision not to have one. But I guess you can't run. Sooner or later life catches up with you and forces you to face your worst fears. At least my 84 year old father seems to think so.
It's taken me my entire life to see the connection. Before becoming a sales person, I tried nursing school. I've got 3 years, but no degree--why? because I couldn't take the stress of being responsible for my patients. I worried constantly about hurting them. I worried to the point that I became sick and had no choice but to leave.
So, adding all this together, I've come to realize that I hate being responsible for other people. That's why I didn't have kids, but love being a step-parent and grandparent. I've been running all my life from the same issue.
Now, it's caught up with me and I have no where to run.
My Dad is getting older. And horror of horror, he's becoming my child. At 84, I've noticed him slipping a little here and there--memory mostly. It appears to be normal age-related memory loss, but I'm not sure. He won't see a doctor and legally I can't force him. He's always been a little off, so it's hard to tell if he's slipping or just his usual self. Last year he was at his worse, arguing constantly, making my life miserable. That's all changed. We get along, but he's become more needy. And of course I'm wanting to run. I don't want a child. I've never regretted my decision not to have one. But I guess you can't run. Sooner or later life catches up with you and forces you to face your worst fears. At least my 84 year old father seems to think so.
Replies
I think life is pretty much a give and take on the care issue. We all have moments of weakness and illness where we need care, love or just someone to understand.
I think not having children is a wonderful decision. So many parents have had tragic experiences and it has been devastating to their lives.
Gentle ((hugs))
:-) Patricia
Oh boy! Looks like you have the child after all! Sigh! Just love him and make the best lemonade you can out of a lemon!
I understand, having kids is a never ending responsibility, even as they are old enough to take care of themselves, the worry is still there. My Mother worries me too now, she is 77. she worries about her health, she had a pain in her chest area a couple weeks ago, took her to the Drs. she had an inflammation in the cartilage in the rib. My son had the same thing a few years ago. Now I am worried about her, abnormal mammogram a couple weeks ago, they said they didnt find anything , now she recieved a letter recommending her to a dr. Now what?? Constant worry. When does life get better??
Hugs, Deb
I agree with you. Now you have to face your worst fears and deal with them. You have been running away from them your entire life. There is a reason why things happen to us. We have to figure out why and what we have to learn from them.