on 'a sense of well being.'
This is a letter I wrote to someone but I am also posting it here.
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I was thinking today about how I think about my future. I think of putting myself
into an immersive environment... like going to the monastery.. or thoughts of going
somewhere new and living a new life -becoming a professional denizen.. full of facts and story.
Very often I take things
to the epitome - as we've talked about.
One therapist had once said to me that "You need a whole world."
I understand what he is saying but then in reality to do that - if I were to choose an immersive environment to go to -
you also have to be open to your emotional experience
which will be a part of that endeavour. And so maybe I need to start thinking about
and keep ready for dealing with the hiccups of life wherever I go, whatever I do... My Dad is a rock star at things
like this. Doesn't matter what it is - he doesn't lose his cool - he calmly pushes back and says
'Ok we'll deal with it." Perhaps this is something I need to teach myself.
Something also related to this train of thought because I was thinking about it today as well
was partly to do with a new coworker. She's 17 years old - super kind and sweet and I find myself feeling
kind of avuncular or parent - like to her. Her father passed away when she was ten - and she asks
me questions about life and what are some of the things in my life.
I just find myself prepared more and more to be ready to help her and care for her
and it's a theme that is adding sense.
I am struggling with some insecurity at the moment - but must remember to be self responsible
and also in the quiet of my own solitude (with Blue) is that I am so of the surface that I don't know
what to do with myself (with 'downtime') and very often impulse leads me to overeat (like today) and do some other stuff -
that I nearly had no interest in - but decided to go ahead in doing it anyway.
I guess stuff like this - leading me down a weird path is just something i need to get used to-
and be able to bounce back - and let go of the worry it causes and just continue to make my day going forward.
Time alone unstructured is a liberty but there's always stuff i gotta do - so if I need validation that all's ok - just
keep on keeping on with the stuff I gotta do.
Replies
I love it when I get to learn a new word. Avunculate well with your new protogee. Don't get to. sappy in your avunculations.
With as much as you ponder the monastic potentials, I am wondering you haven't signed up at a Divinity School. I don't believe any ol' lonely dude can be accepted into a monastery. Can they?
Learning how to take things in stride is one of my lifelong studies. It helps with that happiness tick of wanting what I get instead of getting lost in the success psycho tick of getting what I want. Like I really know **that** one, anyway, however much my OCD of the day convinces me that I *know* what I want.
Big hug for you Marky.... Maybe it's time for you to at least go back and spend some time at a monastery.... I think it did a lot for you the last time that you went
You are so kind and thoughtful Mark.... Perhaps it would be a good place to go in order to think it through......xo
thanks guys!!