Old letters and memories

Today as I was moving things around the room and situating I came across some old letters he had wrote to me about 8 years ago. Sweet, innocent and ready for the adventure we were about to take on. Made me think of how much stuff changed over the years. I wonder if it's that thing called life when crap like or house burning down, dealing with his crazy ex or just stuff in general made him retreat into drinking and gaming. I know I had my hand in it as this being a very important relationship for me and having a hard time opening up with him about the problems I had. There was even a letter from him that asked me to talk with him about stuff but I used to have the hardest time. I don't know of it was his demeanor or if he had thrown things at that time but I knew we needed to talk. The more I tried to open up with him the more he thought I was crazy or a drama starter. I we got into a heated arguement he would leave and come back an hour or a later and wouldnt even talk about what we were arguing about. because for him it was over as if him distancing himself for that little while would wipe out whatever problem we were having without it being resolved on my end. How was I suppose to be any closure to our arguements when he couldn't even discuss it fully? If I have problems with friends or family even if we get really upset we still come back for closure on whatever the problem was. He could go to bed and sleep off whatever problem we had, me on the other hand would be up for a few hours thinking wtf happened? If I tried to bring it up the next day I would be the bad person becuse I couldn't just leave things alone. Just seems kind of childish to want to so badly to be in this relationship at first but not really put in the effort to stay in it, admitting your part and apologizing is part of being in any relationship. Part of civilization really. Just really bothers me to be one way and then flip a switch just becuse he can't deal with the problems.
No I am considering on breaking my no contact to figure it out either it just got me thinking on how he expects any relaionship with anyone else is going to be so much better than the one with me. He once told me that he loves me more than anyone but he also felt I was a huge pain in the ass.