Old Jeans, New Me

Today I reached a wonderful milestone - I fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. They are a bit snug, but I'm in! I know that seams like a rather shallow milestone considering all that has happened but there is something so healing about fitting into my old clothes. I treasured all of the changes that my body took on during my pregnancy with Isaiah. I was not a woman that feared gaining a few healthy pounds, but in the wake of his loss, the physical reminder was so hard to bear. And on top of that physical reminder, it just took a toll on my self esteem. I have felt utterly shattered emotionally and then to feel unattractive physically just added insult to injury.
Its just amazing how fitting into old jeans can lift my spirits. I am finding that lots of little things have been lifting my spirits lately and that is a welcome change. The sunshine on my face, the beautiful flowers that are blooming throughout the neighborhood, sweet conversations with amazing friends, and spending lazy afternoons with my husband have brought me little glimpses of joy that I have missed in the last two months.
I still long to hold Isaiah in my arms more than words can express, but I treasure the fact that I can embrace this longing while still experiencing moments of joy. I know that each day and sometimes each moment will be different and at times this joy will be hard to find, so I want to treasure the moments of joy that I have.
So while I slide into my old jeans, I feel like a new me. A me that has experienced unthinkable tragedy yet has learned to celebrate the little joys of life.
Weeping my last for a night, but joy comes with the morning. - Psalm 30:5

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I got into mine this weekend too...it is not shallow to be happy about it. It means so much more than appearance for us. It is a way of \"getting back to normal\".

I know this may sound weird but I wanted to lose my weight from Tuscany, before even considering getting pregnant again. I think her belly is hers, and the next baby (fingers crossed) should get their own.

Enjoy your jeans,and don\'t feel guilty about buying some cute tops to go with them;) I know I didn\'t!!! hahaha

xoxox
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m proud of you! Hold onto that feeling :)
deleted_user
deleted_user

Woohoo! Very exciting! I am getting close; it is definitely a great milestone. I loved hearing about all of the wonderful things in your life right now.
deleted_user
deleted_user

That is great! I starting fitting into mine this last weekend. I know how you feel:) Keep on finding the little happiness life can bring us. It now takes more effort but it can still be a part of our lives.
deleted_user
deleted_user

hold on to all those flowers of love in your heart, it will carry you thru this rollercoaster called grief, I lost my Isaiah also Oct 2, 2010 and I write a journal of love each day to help me thru the rough moments, I miss my Isaiah but I know he is fine, and that gives me comfort each day, I miss him and at the same time I am comforted in my faith.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am glad you are able to find some peace and some joy. Its so hard to uncover all the blessings in our lives in the wake of such tragedy... but you said it perfectly. Take care, Nicole