Old Baggage
I really wanted to start this New Year on a healthy note, but the pain that causes me to bleed is still with me in 2013. I’m sure all of us try to leave the old baggage behind, but issues have a time of their own. They just pop up whenever and where ever they desire.
I’m working on some painful issues that happened to me as an adult. The personality that suffers with these memories is a bitch. She is contemplating taking control to make me catatonic. This way I would escape from dealing with life. One of my personalities is catatonic. I’ve been in that place when I was in a coma for 6 weeks after a head injury too. I think it can be a choice. My brain already knows how. This is a serious direction I’m considering. I know I need help. I’m seeing my therapist this afternoon. Do I stay present and work on these issues or do I just leave?
I’m working on some painful issues that happened to me as an adult. The personality that suffers with these memories is a bitch. She is contemplating taking control to make me catatonic. This way I would escape from dealing with life. One of my personalities is catatonic. I’ve been in that place when I was in a coma for 6 weeks after a head injury too. I think it can be a choice. My brain already knows how. This is a serious direction I’m considering. I know I need help. I’m seeing my therapist this afternoon. Do I stay present and work on these issues or do I just leave?
Replies
Dear Jessy,
Again, my heart reaches out to you. I was just thinking of you this morning when I was having my coffee, and said a little prayer for you.
The awareness you have and the courage and strength you have is remarkable. I once spent several weeks in a near-catatonic state, I wanted to die, but I did not want to leave my young sons. I could see no way out of the pain that was impinging on my every waking thought. Now, 24 years later, I am grateful that I was given the grace of the will to live, even through difficulties. Things are getting much better the more I give my spirit permission to heal. But, I often am in the position of being tempted to just stay in bed and sleep the day away, having no motivation or enthusiasm for life. Unlearning an old ill pattern of living is not easy. And there is an empty lull in the space between unlearning and releasing the old, and beginning to spring forward into receiving the new. And I encourage you in your journey to keep hope, to recognize the strength and courage you have within you, despite all the odds that create adversity, you are overcoming with the grace of God!
I hope you will be as present and as open as you can be. You can work through this as you have done so much.
I think you already know the best way to long term healing isn\'t by hiding. I hope you were able to see your therapist and talk some of this through. Hugs and caring.