ok day
last night was rough. I had A LOT of thoughts through my head. I was so uncomfortable and disgusted with my body that I wanted to rip apart my body.I wanted to rip my insides out and throw it away. I cried a little but then kept saying positive things to myself, read my book and fell asleep.
Today we had a group were we were acting out scenarios. Somehow we came to talking about eating out in restaurants etc. That was it for me. Started crying. then starting talking. Going out to eat or going to my parents is so incredibly difficult because of both my mother and carlos. They don't believe my meal plans. No matter what they say I don't eat enough or my mother just keeps piling more food in front of me. This is what happened after SP and I can guarentee will happen again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tell my dietitian and/or my therapist and ask if they can come in for a nutrition education meeting or for a family meal so they can SEE what is accurate for me at this time. And then when I'm out I want them to come to Jill or have Jill send them copies of my meal plan when it changes so they can NOT tell me I'm lying. I'll also be held responsible this way too.
Things are going well with my psychiatrist. I think he sees a brilliant person inside of me that is scared. Someone who is scared to use her talents or attempt new things because of the potential of not being good enough. That's exactly true. We are working on things and I think he is a very bright man. I think we can actually work on something here. THough, I would be interested in when I'm actually going to have a session with my SW (pretend therapist). Had my intake on Tuesday and my family one on thursday. We'll see.
Enough babble.
Things are good.
I'm tired. Goodnight.
Today we had a group were we were acting out scenarios. Somehow we came to talking about eating out in restaurants etc. That was it for me. Started crying. then starting talking. Going out to eat or going to my parents is so incredibly difficult because of both my mother and carlos. They don't believe my meal plans. No matter what they say I don't eat enough or my mother just keeps piling more food in front of me. This is what happened after SP and I can guarentee will happen again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tell my dietitian and/or my therapist and ask if they can come in for a nutrition education meeting or for a family meal so they can SEE what is accurate for me at this time. And then when I'm out I want them to come to Jill or have Jill send them copies of my meal plan when it changes so they can NOT tell me I'm lying. I'll also be held responsible this way too.
Things are going well with my psychiatrist. I think he sees a brilliant person inside of me that is scared. Someone who is scared to use her talents or attempt new things because of the potential of not being good enough. That's exactly true. We are working on things and I think he is a very bright man. I think we can actually work on something here. THough, I would be interested in when I'm actually going to have a session with my SW (pretend therapist). Had my intake on Tuesday and my family one on thursday. We'll see.
Enough babble.
Things are good.
I'm tired. Goodnight.
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