Ohhhhh a Fucked up Day!!!
Well
I'm miserable and I think that I should stay this way. Idk. Im drunk trying to type my words. This is stupid!
Anyway I just hate EVERYTHING. I need help. I need Jesus I need meds, I need to find another job, I need to focus, I need to concentrate and I need to stop talking so much, I need car insurance, I need my Mother back for a minutes, just a few. I will not get her back late I promise.
I need to be happy no matter what is happening around me or to me I need to find a silver lining!! I need to always think positive, I need to stop thinking about the pass and this includes Mommy!
I need to stop wishing for things that will not come true, I need to focus and plan my goals in a tangiable sense. I need to take my meds so I dont slip of the world. I need to focus on LIVING!! I need to wake up and do the same thing over and over again until I grow to love it, I need to stop wanting what I cannot have. I need to be mature, I need to stop talking about my feeling with those that dont understand me or what I am doing with my life. I need to stop comparing my life to others. I need to stop living like I dont care about my own existance. I need to think about my kids and How they will feel if I was not here. I need to get my soul together for God. I need to read my Bible more, I need to stop allowing the devil to ruin my mood. I need to look for a job or a house and stop complaining about things I cannot fix. I need to figure out want I want to do and just do it..... I need to stop being afraid of taking chances. I need to live life, to the fullest. I need to get out and do things like I am young and beautifull enough to do them . I need to worry less and have faith more. I need to voleenter at a shelter and get out of my own "world" and do something for people other than my family. I need to list the things, places I want to see and I need to do it. I need to go to therapy and seek professional help. I need to go to crisis, before I hurt myself. I need to stop thinking about this too much... It is not a good thing. I need to start living at this age. I need to stop thinkiing of this as death sentence and I need to do something worth mentioning at my job or they will fire my ass.
I need to be apart of the culture of this job. I need to take a proactive approach in my life and not just work it away.
I need my soul to be filled with God soo much that I do not have time to think about anyone else or anything else.
I need to stop letting my emotions get the best of me and let my brain control my decisions.
I am crying about everything... I am very sad! I am alone! I hate being alone but I do nothing to make it better. I do not like my job but I do nothing to find a new job. I hate my commute, but I do nothing to look for a closer place. I want to go to college, but I stop more than I go, because other things get in my way. I want to be a good mother but I never spend time with my kids. Im just a fuck up all around. I even said I wanted to go to church and I still make excuses, and this is why I'm miserable.I want to bury myself in my bed and not get out.
I miss my mother and I miss having someone to talk to about thiese thngs. I know that I can talk to God, but I want to talk to Mommy. She would say to pray my feelings away and then she would sit at the table and talk about the real issues and how we(me& her) can help me . She would let my tears fall dwn my face and the snot drip from my nose. She would listen to my words, then offer me tissue from the bathroom. I would clean up and then she ask me all kinds of questions to get the bottom of this "mess". She would move slow, because she's tired from working to the kitchen to make tea and offer me a cup. She would tell me to come to the kitchen and tell me a story about her life and a similar struggle. And as we sip our tea she would say again about church and then offer some advice. It may not be what I want to hear, but it would be what I NEED to hear.
I hate Valentine Day. It is just another reminder that I AM ALONE, WITH OUT A LOVE TO CALL MY OWN!!
Im so stressed that I am having a out break on my lips. Dwight let me suck him a while back with an outbreak and my lips have not been the same. I think I have simplex 1 or 2. I cannot think.
I cursed at my only friend at work, but I apologized. Too stressed. to be around people.
Thanks to myself for listening!!!
I'm miserable and I think that I should stay this way. Idk. Im drunk trying to type my words. This is stupid!
Anyway I just hate EVERYTHING. I need help. I need Jesus I need meds, I need to find another job, I need to focus, I need to concentrate and I need to stop talking so much, I need car insurance, I need my Mother back for a minutes, just a few. I will not get her back late I promise.
I need to be happy no matter what is happening around me or to me I need to find a silver lining!! I need to always think positive, I need to stop thinking about the pass and this includes Mommy!
I need to stop wishing for things that will not come true, I need to focus and plan my goals in a tangiable sense. I need to take my meds so I dont slip of the world. I need to focus on LIVING!! I need to wake up and do the same thing over and over again until I grow to love it, I need to stop wanting what I cannot have. I need to be mature, I need to stop talking about my feeling with those that dont understand me or what I am doing with my life. I need to stop comparing my life to others. I need to stop living like I dont care about my own existance. I need to think about my kids and How they will feel if I was not here. I need to get my soul together for God. I need to read my Bible more, I need to stop allowing the devil to ruin my mood. I need to look for a job or a house and stop complaining about things I cannot fix. I need to figure out want I want to do and just do it..... I need to stop being afraid of taking chances. I need to live life, to the fullest. I need to get out and do things like I am young and beautifull enough to do them . I need to worry less and have faith more. I need to voleenter at a shelter and get out of my own "world" and do something for people other than my family. I need to list the things, places I want to see and I need to do it. I need to go to therapy and seek professional help. I need to go to crisis, before I hurt myself. I need to stop thinking about this too much... It is not a good thing. I need to start living at this age. I need to stop thinkiing of this as death sentence and I need to do something worth mentioning at my job or they will fire my ass.
I need to be apart of the culture of this job. I need to take a proactive approach in my life and not just work it away.
I need my soul to be filled with God soo much that I do not have time to think about anyone else or anything else.
I need to stop letting my emotions get the best of me and let my brain control my decisions.
I am crying about everything... I am very sad! I am alone! I hate being alone but I do nothing to make it better. I do not like my job but I do nothing to find a new job. I hate my commute, but I do nothing to look for a closer place. I want to go to college, but I stop more than I go, because other things get in my way. I want to be a good mother but I never spend time with my kids. Im just a fuck up all around. I even said I wanted to go to church and I still make excuses, and this is why I'm miserable.I want to bury myself in my bed and not get out.
I miss my mother and I miss having someone to talk to about thiese thngs. I know that I can talk to God, but I want to talk to Mommy. She would say to pray my feelings away and then she would sit at the table and talk about the real issues and how we(me& her) can help me . She would let my tears fall dwn my face and the snot drip from my nose. She would listen to my words, then offer me tissue from the bathroom. I would clean up and then she ask me all kinds of questions to get the bottom of this "mess". She would move slow, because she's tired from working to the kitchen to make tea and offer me a cup. She would tell me to come to the kitchen and tell me a story about her life and a similar struggle. And as we sip our tea she would say again about church and then offer some advice. It may not be what I want to hear, but it would be what I NEED to hear.
I hate Valentine Day. It is just another reminder that I AM ALONE, WITH OUT A LOVE TO CALL MY OWN!!
Im so stressed that I am having a out break on my lips. Dwight let me suck him a while back with an outbreak and my lips have not been the same. I think I have simplex 1 or 2. I cannot think.
I cursed at my only friend at work, but I apologized. Too stressed. to be around people.
Thanks to myself for listening!!!
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