oh well back from ER AGAIN fri aug 2, 2011

well it sabout 10.30 p.m. we left ffor  er at about 10.45 went to urgent care we wwere there for about 3 .5 hrs just to have them tell us they couldnt help me. they say go to er. I FREAKED again. i started crying and CUSSIN REALY BAD i wa comveinced that they were going to keep me and admit me. i did not take this well at all. took for ever of course at er. behind killing me from the wheel chairs and that bed thing they had me laying on. PURE TORTURE.i am realy not handeling any of this well at all i think the initail shoke is over some and im laying in bed at night just thinking. its so qiut sont have tv back there yet. this is WAY TOO MUCH  for my poor sis. i am such a hardeach tried to call theripist today. she is off for  the holiday weekend. so i got some strong diaretics an instant inhailer thingy, and moore stuff for the colen, i am a mess. im realy started to try to have a nervoise break down. i cant talk to sis about this cause she is taking care of me and its too much for her and ya know. im sitting here in the chair trying to prop up leg. ya good luck with that one. so hard here i get lost in all the furniture. the bed is WAY TOO SOFT so is couch. i realy have nowere good to sit anywere here exept the chair. will be so glad when the lift comes. i feel like ive lost my sanity allitle moore today. i was like a very craby child in the er. i am very embarresed n totally humiliated by the way i act . its not right. need basket for the walker. have to be moore self seficiaint and soon. sis cant deal w this and i feel lik SUCH A BURDEN. I AM. have to pull it together. i cant talk to her then she will feed off my anxiaty and its just horrible. one of us HAS  to be calm. she thinks things are going to work the way therr suppost to in the medical places.  shes so niave and shes never had to live threw the medicaid  ive been through in the past and present. the whole systum is so broken i dont even know im very lucky to have it, but it doesnt work the way its supposed to EVEN HALF THE TIME you have to expect the unexpecte and stupid buracracy. and i proved  it wene i was in the hell they call a nursing home, i didnt have any of meds esspecially pain meds and phgyciatric. moore sick and broken up ive never been. i REALY LUCKED OUT  w/ my surgion. think he realy likes people and is compasionet person. they have to be if they take medicaid. cause thats not makin the big bucks.oh on na rant. gotta go now moore tommorow. p.s. no blood clots yayay