Oh boy....I'm hating this feeling
It set in a few minutes ago. I feel rejected and lonely. Scared. Fearful of my future or lack thereof. I am worried about my health. Food is out of control. It has gotten so much worse. My childhood is coming back. I never forgot any of it but it always played itself back like a disjointed movie of someone else s life.
I am getting to know the little me and the things she felt physically and emotionally. The physical feelings are new. I had the mental picture of what was happening during the abuse but not the physical feeling or the emotional feelings.
This morning as I was first waking up, I stretched and for a few seconds my body felt something different. Something it hasn't felt since I was a kid...maybe 10 years old, maybe 12. I don't know how to describe it only that it was a familiar sensation but one I haven't felt in a long, long time. So weird. I don't understand it myself. I think my mind was back in 1975 as well. It was a neutral feeling, neither good or bad.
I am making macaroni salad for a family thing tomorrow. A huge bowl of mac salad...with tuna as per request.
I worry tdoc is going to cut his foot. Oddly specific thing to worry about. I was worried about the flight then all of the sudden it lifted so I assume that it is/was good.
I used to imagine I could send a wisp of energy from my head out across the miles to touch the person I was checking in on. My wisp of energy would touch theirs and feel what they were feeling. Just for a few seconds. That is all I needed to know he or she was safe.
More weirdness.
I am getting to know the little me and the things she felt physically and emotionally. The physical feelings are new. I had the mental picture of what was happening during the abuse but not the physical feeling or the emotional feelings.
This morning as I was first waking up, I stretched and for a few seconds my body felt something different. Something it hasn't felt since I was a kid...maybe 10 years old, maybe 12. I don't know how to describe it only that it was a familiar sensation but one I haven't felt in a long, long time. So weird. I don't understand it myself. I think my mind was back in 1975 as well. It was a neutral feeling, neither good or bad.
I am making macaroni salad for a family thing tomorrow. A huge bowl of mac salad...with tuna as per request.
I worry tdoc is going to cut his foot. Oddly specific thing to worry about. I was worried about the flight then all of the sudden it lifted so I assume that it is/was good.
I used to imagine I could send a wisp of energy from my head out across the miles to touch the person I was checking in on. My wisp of energy would touch theirs and feel what they were feeling. Just for a few seconds. That is all I needed to know he or she was safe.
More weirdness.
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