off again
I'm off work again. i better walk around awhile. i've been sitting here too long. i'm sad and scared and terrified of this pandemic. the only way not to be scared of it is to ignore it because if you read about it at all or listen or watch it's bad. evern the doctors are saying it's bad. that's bad. i feel like i'm going crazy. i need to get up and move around. I'll be back here I think. shit.
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Your not alone nor are you crazy. The site dropped the reply I which just adds to my frustration. I haven’t been here in a couple years. Since being widowed, the anxiety, depression and loneliness she taken a huge toll. I spent a month in isolation in the hospital since the holidays to come home to more. Haven’t had any human contact without gloves on people since New Years. People are getting antsy going into their 3rd week and I’m at 7 plus weeks. Seattle is a ghost town. Social distancing has turned everyone in potential threats and us to them. People need contact. I understand the need to protect others but the price mentally is very high. The only people I’ve heard handling this well are ones that lived alone by choice. I’m an extrovert so this is killing me. I only get up because of my dogs and need to at least take a drive daily tho it’s depressing that everything is closed except grocery and drug stores. Restaurants and fast food are takeout only, not that I have anyone to eat with since being widowed. Data are endless pain from back, vascular and breathing conditions. The panic disorder is the icing on the cake. No motivation anymore knowing it’s going to be Groundhog Day every day.
Basically I am spurred by survival instinct. Even when I do not want to. It’s engrained in us. But we can go to very dark places. Those scare me. Things I never would have conceived I could think. So I’m kind of a stranger to myself. I only get up for my dogs and sleeping longer just feels like I have given up.