Ode to an abusive lover

I have been thinking about how scary it is to give up food. Food has been a friend to me. The only one who has been there for me when I needed comfort, when I wanted to celebrate, when I was lonely, bored, or depressed. The problem is that it has been an unfaithful friend. I call upon my friend to comfort me, but it only pretends. All the while it is secretly, slowly destroying my life. It's like a lover that treats us badly, but we don't want to break up with him for fear we will never find another. We know he's bad for us, but we just don't want to live without him. Letting him take away our self esteem, our strength, and even our hope. Our fear keeps us tethered. I don't want to leave him because of the false comfort he provides, but in truth he is the source of my unhappiness. Or rather, my relationship with him is the source of my happiness. I thought he was comforting me, but all t he while he was taking away my ability to enjoy life, and all the things I enjoyed doing. Because of him, I cannot go hiking, or kayaking, or horseback riding. I can't walk on the beach, climb a mountain, or swim in a public place. Just as the abuser keeps his victim isolated and controls her every movement, so does food with me. I  find it hard to make friends. People see what my lover has done to me and I think they secretely fear this could happen to them.  I think I tell myself that by isolating me he has kept me safe, but the reality is that he's kept me from seeing what the real world has to offer, that there are other ways to get my needs met. I think I am stronger because I have him, but the truth is that I am weaker.  True strength will come when I no longer allow food to abuse my body. I must take back all that it has taken from me. I must open my eyes and let go. I need to understand that even if I never see another hot fudge sundae, I will still be o.k. Its hard to seek comfort from people because they so often let you down. I need to seek comfort from God. The only one who can give true comfort, and not destroy me in the process. The one who really cares for me, not just pretends. One who has my best interests at heart. Wow, writing this has been an eye opener for me. Maybe if I seek God whenever I want to use food inappropriately, I can break this hold food has on me.  Hmmmm. That would be the greatest joy, not just losing weight, or being healthy, but losing this control, this grip that food has on me. Not being controlled by food, not being isolated. Wow, this is something to think about. I think I want to break up with food.