Obsessive Thoughts
I've learned a couple of good techniques for dealing with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Read a good book that helped, now it just makes me kinda angry that I still have to deal with these thoughts at all. I know I spend to much tome alone but I have grown kinda used to it - it feels easier and safer. I've had chances to go out by myself or with a date and decided against it. I'd only go out with my best friend and she only comes to town twice a year now. Being alone, no wonder I think so much,
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Keep the faith that you\'ll be ok
Not good enough heretic, I want to hear details on how you mentally want to punish these people who hurt you. They deserve it. Last person who hurt me got mentally shredded and fed to the sharks. Felt awesome, you should try it.
Fed to the sharks is gruesome, but probably too quick a way to die. How about mentally tying up your victim & drilling holes in their elbows & knee caps & injecting their bones with boiling oil, while pouring boiling water all over them as they scream in unimaginable pain, then ripping off each finger and toe nail, one by one by one with pliers, & cutting with a razor in between each finger & toe & slicing their stomach open & pouring african driver ants inside as the victim is slowly eaten alive from the inside. I have these fantasies all the time, its rather soothing, what do you think, Darkened Heart?
I also have(had) a punching bag that I used to take out all of my anger on. I would hit this thing until my fists hurt. Maybe you aught to buy yourself a punching bag? They sell lightweight punching bags at models & other sports stores. Theres many ways of dealing with angry feelings. How effective they are depends on the circumstances & on the individual I suppose.
I also try not to think about it(easier said than done, I know). I try to really focus my energy on other things I enjoy doing. I like to read, mostly philosophical stuff, history, politics etc. & when I feel myself begining to think about something I promised myself I would NOT think about I consciously FORCE the negative thought out of my mind. I would even write a long list of personality traits that I dislike & I try to work on them, similar to the way people set goals here on DS, only my goals are a bit more private & I stay on top of them. I had mixed results. I\'m currently doing something like that & I am having mostly positive results. I check my list every single day, night & morning before bed & I grade myself on how I\'ve conducted myself. It takes time & allot of patience but as humans we can adapt to nearly everything. I really try to replace these hateful feelings(which are natural) with things that are less energy consuming & probably more beneficial to my health & more conducive to happiness. Like I mentioned above reading, working out, training, taking a warm bath ro relax my nerves or even going for a walk, even if its alone. What a bunch of rambling this message of mine has been. I hope that this has been in some way helpful. . . :|
Alone. A very strange thing. In the past I use to freak out about it..now that I\"m on new meds I\'m thinking a bit better and seeing advantages to living alone. For example, I\'m helping a friend take care of her two kids this summer. One is 4 and one is 8. The four year old freaks me out. Totally out of control. I\'m helping him and all day I\"m not thinking of myself which is good in a way..by the end of the day, when they screaming kid leaves..I\"m on a high..one from getting through day and two that I\'m finally alone. Peace and quiet. If you get too much of any of it..well its about balance. Love you friend.
I love your attitude Brother Death. I think Heretic and I should sign up to your therapy lessons. You are doing awesome.