Numbness....
I struggle to know what to write. How am I? Numb, I guess. But not totally numb. I am numb only to the point that one feels drugged up on novacaine while getting a root canal. I still feel the pressure, the sadness, the pain, and even the joy. But it is all sort of blurry and indistiguishable from the other. I don't even know if that just made sense. All day I have just kind of drifted around in this fog, going through the motions without really knowing what was going on. It's been really weird. The only reason why I still feel like I am here, in the present, is the persistant itching of my stitches. I am so ready for those stupid things to come out. My inner three year old is having a really rough time right now. She is finally peeking her head back out, still scared that I will hurt her again. I really shouldn't have cut her, trying to make myself feel better. She cries for her mommy still constantly. I don't know how to make her feel better. I gave her her medication this morning, hoping it would take the edge off her pain. It didn't really. She still cries. Poor girl. She misses her sister too. She misses the life she used to have, before her mother "went away/ died" and "reappeared" as the monster that we both know. She longs to be held, caressed, loved. I wish I knew how to fill that need for her. Maybe then the constant crying would subside. How in the world do I take her pain away? How do I make it better???CryI hear you cry.And I wish I knewWhat do I do?How to take your pain away?How to dry your tears?I can't bring her backShe is long gone. Your mommy died, baby.She's not coming back.Just get over it.Please don't cry.Cuz you'll make me cry too.Cuz I miss her too.I remember the fun times,Before she left...The smiles, the laughs.The videos remind me.Made so long ago, covered in dust.I feel water on my cheeks.It's okay to cry, baby girlI'll cry with youCuz I miss her too...I'm not very good at poetry, but I am starting to enjoy writing it. I doesn't rhymn (sp?), but whatever! :) ~Tracie xoxoxox
Replies
haha poems don\'t have to rhyme. and it was awesome!! my poems never rhyme.
i know how hard it is, to want the past back, but know you can\'t have it the same. but things do work out, having to figure out a different situation. great job on the 6 days!!