Numbness

First of all, I would like to inform all my DS friends that I have not taken any Xanax in two weeks. I am fine without. I am still taking Pristiq, but not the Xanax. Since Xanax is supposedly quite addictive and I had been taking it since the end of January, I think it is a real accomplishment on my part.  I sort of want to stop taking the Pristiq too, since I really feel tht I have not yet properly mourned my husband. I am feeling decidedly numb with regard to feeling emotional. To tell the truth, I had been feeling like my emotions had gotten a bit closed off over the past number of years anyway.   But, I am afraid to stop taking it, to go off it, even gradually - yet. My kids are going to be here for a month and I want to be ok for them. I also need to feel in control of myself as long as I am still dealing with the nasty steps and inlaws.  I am praying that the new personal injury lawyer that I am consulting with will take the case, will make the case, and will win the case.   I am further praying that the win will be subtantial enough to appease everyone and we can all walk away happy, at least with our portion of the win.  I have decided not to pursue meeting any new men -- my energy is way too compromised by the murky situation in which I find myself. It is patently unfair to any man I might meet to attempt to forge a connection with them when my energy is so compromised.  I have begun hating Sundays. Shabbat is not quite so bad, I at least get to go to friends for meals and thus am not alone the entire day. But Sundays, I am home all day, and alone all day.  I desperately miss being upstate, swimming, hanging, reading, and schmoozing. I came to my parents today to escape the loneliness of my house. But it is not much better. My mother is sleeping and my father is watching sports on TV. Ugh... On the bright side:  my sister called me. Her daughter, my niece, Tamar is engaged!  Mazal Tov!  They will be planning a late November wedding. I am really looking forward to that. It means I will be going to Israel then and I really love being in Israel.